Friday, was a most awesome day, as I was able to see The Bigs in their class setting.  I really get a kick out of being there with them and watching them learn. I'm  that Mother that is in the corner with happy tears streaming down her face because her child sat during circle or read a sentence.   Yep, tears.   Every.  Single.  Time. 

My little guys are smart as whips. They also are diagnosed under the ASD umbrella.  

When I tell people that, and I tell a lot of people because it's part of who we are, I usually get the side head tilt, and sad look of apology.  I also get, "I hear people with autism are really smart."  

I really, really don't enjoy those responses. 

My guys are smart, regardless  of autism.  They just have a more difficult time processing.   And also, I wouldn't change  them.  They are what I know and love.  Somedays are difficult, but most days are good because we cope, and we deal and we navigate this world together.  Like we did on Friday...

M had a "Scientist" in the classroom.  I was able to volunteer for a few hours and I knew the change in routine would probably be hard on him.  It was, big time.  Also, me being there probably didn't help either.   Too much noise, too many strange faces, no structure.   His morning went down the tube fast.   One of his classmates recognized that things were not quite right for him and found him his "Sit Fit Cushion".  Awesome.

The "Scientist" who was leading some of the projects, wasn't very sensitive to the different needs of the class.  At one point, she actually snapped at him which made him cower in a corner.  Not awesome.

So we readjusted our sails, took a walk and built a structure, until he was ready to rejoin the class.  His teacher is amazing and we turned on the smart board and did some math with the  entire class.  Guess who was leading it with his special smart board stylus?  My Son.   

My Son with autism, who just wants to be involved and learn like all the other kids. My Son, who was dancing and happy the minute order was restored in a familiar part of his life.  My Son, the rockstar, was leading the class through counting by fives, tens, twenties, backwards and any  other combination you can think of.  My Son!   

So yes, he is brilliant.  No bias here.    

I have a point here, I really do.  

If you see a child having a hard time, in the midst of a wild tantrum,  or doing something they potentially shouldn't  be doing, don't assume the worst of the child or the parent.  There are things you can't see.  If you see tears in my eyes, don't back away and assume  I'm a lunatic for crying because my child can sit for 4 minutes in circle.  That's a big deal for us.     Hug us, congratulate us, and high five us.  You can bet your bottom dollar that I would do the same for you and your guys. 

Nighty night.

J

Dear Michael

I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that you are starting full day Senior Kindergarten tomorrow.  It seems like just last week that I was fretting over you starting  school...period.

 

Taking the school bus for the first time, that just about completely sent me over the edge of over- protectiveness.  But you survived.  So did I.

 

And wasn't it just yesterday that you officially "graduated" from JK?  All those feelings of trepidation were soothed throughout the year with the help of some awesome teachers and EA's that helped you adjust to the class room routines.

I shouldn't be feeling so nervous for you to head back tomorrow, but I do.  I'm worried you may not have the extra support you might need.  I'm worried about socialization with the other children.  I'm mad at myself for not working with you harder to write your name during the summer.   I'm worried that no one will "Get You" like I do.  

You know what else?  I am so proud of you and every thing you have done from one year ago until this very night.

 You have started to gain better control of your coordination and learned to slowly ride your bike with training wheels.  You have learned a LOT about empathy and sharing and caring; mostly the hard way and usually involving your little Brother You have tried new food items, and even though it has taken you 5 minutes to eat a sliver of apple, you still did it.  You have learned to control your emotions a bit better and tantrums usually settle down around the 5 minute mark instead of the 60 minute mark.  And your eye contact has improved tenfold!

You like and love people easily.  And if I had to be pick one thing about you at this age that I adore, it is that.  You love to spin and twirl and run and jump and be in the general vicinity of other people.  I love that about you.  So if you can't write your name perfectly...big deal.  We'll work on it more together this year.  What's important is that you are you.  And I love you just the way you are little man.  Knock their socks off tomorrow, and always remember that I love you and I am so very proud of you.  

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”  Dr. Seuss

Hello???

Anyone there?

How long has it been since I blogged?  It feels like eons.  Truth is, I haven't had the desire to throw my thoughts out into to cyber space lately.  I have been a little bit of a Debby Downer and nobody needs to hear or read about that right?   Instead, I offer you a layout,
because that is what this blog was intended for; scrapbooking and funny Mom tidbits.

It felt good to get this done.  It had been sitting on my desk half complete for over two weeks.  I used to be so disciplined at getting the boys monthly pages done or at least a DPS of our monthly pictures.  Not so much for 2012.   I'm okay with that.  When the time is right, and when all of my creative stars align,  I will get back at it.  Maybe even on the last weekend of September when Crop and Create rolls into Ottawa.  I`ll be attending the event that  will have over 24 hours of scrappy mayhem.  Pretty excited.  Yes I am that geeky but what evs; we all know how often I get out...

Any how, that is all for tonight.  I`m off to ride Plasma Cars around my living room with The Bigs.

Nighty Night.

This PDD thing isn't easy. Especially the wait. Waiting for the assessment. Waiting for someone to tell us yes or no. Waiting for some direction, waiting for someone to validate what I see.

Michael, you have been such a trooper. These past two years haven't always been easy, with me trying to figure you out, and you trying to find your way through this world. You have learned to navigate and express your needs through different means and I have learned to understand those different means. What sometimes seems the hardest, is trying to explain to other people what you are saying or what you want. And the other hard part? Those days that I miss your cues, and the inevitable chaos that comes with my misunderstanding. It is those times that I feel like the process isn’t coming fast enough for me. I know in the end that no one is going to give me all the answers and all knowledge that I need but maybe it will help me be more patient on the days when I feel that slipping.

You have grown so much this past year; working so hard with all of the occupational therapist and building relationships with your teachers. They all love you so much. I watch you in the playground some days and I feel the tears come to my eyes. They are tears of happiness because I see those relationships that have flourished. And other times they are tears from darker thoughts. I worry when I see you off by yourself, I worry that you might someday be the target of bullying, I worry that you will fall behind in school, and I worry that you will be labelled. And as quickly as those thoughts come, I push them away because regardless, you are going to be great at whatever YOU choose to do. You are MY hero and I love you more and more each day.

This is the post that has been written and re-written in my head more times that I care to share.  Its time to get it off my chest in some small way.

When my son was  an infant, I labelled him serious.  It was difficult to get him to smile, laugh, make eye contact.  He seemed to be developing normally otherwise.  I figured his personality would be more like mine; quiet until he was comfortable, then goofy when he trusted you.  I was pretty much on cue with that.  He seemed to learn things fast.  I thought he was a genius at eighteen months because he was reading along with me, counting, lining his red cars in a perfect row from smallest to largest.

He hit two and I braced myself.  I was waiting for something terrible to happen that never really did.  Sure he had tantrums but not anything monumental.  I could handle them.  He was given time outs in his room because he wouldn't sit on the floor.  He didn't understand that he had to stay in one place.  No big deal, he went to his room.

Three hit and I started to worry about school.  His vocabulary seemed to have stalled.  We were not having two way conversations that most kids at that age were having with their Mom.  I brushed it off.  School was more than a year away and in a year there is a ton of development.

Three was not fun.  And by not fun, I mean it didn't think I was going to survive.  We had wild tantrums in the street.  Hair was pulled, arms were bitten, shins were kicked.  No communication as to why it was happening,  but I could gauge pretty accurately from external cues what was going to set him off.   Not walking in the direction that he wanted to walk in, a different bedtime routine, his brother taking his toy, leaving a location he wasn't ready to leave.  All sound normal for a toddler who is desperately trying to control his world.  What I also noticed was my huge inabilities to reach him during those meltdowns.  I couldn't soothe him, I couldn't explain why we were doing what we were doing in a way that he understood or accepted.  I couldn't get him to look at me, I couldn't soothe him when he hurt himself, I couldn't break his attention away from the repetitive play that he was involved in.  I knew something was there but I wasn't sure what.  I always saw my Sister looking at my at different times with questions in her eyes but she never asked the question because she knew I wasn't ready to give her an answer.

On the night of his fourth birthday he was in his room, standing on the rail of his brothers crib and jumping off of it onto his bed.  There was no fear there, no comprehension that he could hurt himself   He never understood danger.  My Sister was in the room and gently asked me if I thought something was there. I started to cry and say yes I think there may be something wrong.  I cried because I knew she saw what I was seeing but never once  used the words different or wrong.  She used the words special.  I had seen her watch him over the years and I knew she saw the same things I did.

At his four year old check up his pediatrician watched him and listen to what I had to say about his development.  He made a referral to a specialist that deals with developmental and attention disorders.  I remember sitting in the specialist office, willing myself not to cry but looking for a little bit of validation that I wasn't going crazy, that maybe my son needed some extra help.  He put his pen down, looked at me and said,  " Mom, what do you think is wrong?"  The tears came because it was my opportunity to get a little validation.  I had gone online and done some research.  I had nailed down some of his behaviors and attributed them to something on the Autism spectrum.  He listen to me, let me cry, and redirected my thoughts.  He felt that it was possibly Aspergers  or a Pervasive Development Disorder.  He immediately put in a referral to OCTC for a physiological assessment to determine the root cause of M`s development delays.

I have cried A LOT over the past year for many reasons.  I don't want my son to be labelled.  I don't like it when people tell me that Aspergers is the excuse de jours  for behavioral problems with children.  I don't like it when  people tell me that it will be really unfortunate if he doesn't have anything wrong with him and that I have taken it to the level that I have because now all of this will be in his school file.  I don't like it when someone who is supposed to love us sticks their head in the sand and avoids the issues.  I don't like being the only one to advocate for my child. I don't like feeling alone. 

He had his first appointment at OCTC today.  Not with a psychologist but with some different therapist that could recommenced strategies to help him during the long wait for his assessment.  The resources that they will provide is astounding.  Speech therapy, dietitians, social workers, occupational therapists.  Nothing short of amazing.  I`m taking what ever I can get with no pride getting in the way.  He deserves everything, this kid of mine.  All I really want for him are the tools that he needs to grow and succeed.  I don't need my child to be a doctor or lawyer.  I will never put that sort of pressure on him.  I am not the competitive Mom that has their child enrolled in so many activities that they forget what it is to just play.  I have walked away from different opportunities for myself over the past year because the timing is wrong.  I put myself on the back burner frequently because that is what I believe I should do.  He needs me to advocate for him and that is what I plan to do.

Love you kiddo.

“So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.”
― Dr. Seuss

Have you ever seen such cuteness??

Rachelle from Ashford Photography took some pictures of me and the boys a month ago.
To say that I love them is an understatement.
She was able to capture the essence of these two angels of mine.
Thank you Rachelle!

Cool For School!

My little man is doing great at school.

He is responding  well to the routines of the class room and loves his teachers.

He will randomly inform me Mrs. Bergeron is at home with her children.

I think one of most amusing things he does is ask his friends what they are doing throughout the day, after he has left school.

For example he just asked Conner what he was doing, and yesterday he informed Jacob that it was not play time it was home time.

I'm interested to meet these little guys on a field trip to the pumpkin patch next week!

And I'm excited to see him interact in a school setting.

I often watch from afar and I have a million things that go through my mind.

"Someone please grab his hand and guide him into the yard..."


"why is he not talking to the other children??"

" Is he happy?"

I'm sure most worry about their babes but I have to admit I am taking my time at letting go.

And of course taking the time to document the memories.

I did both of these this past weekend at my 12 hour crop  for Tina.

I love, love, love that shinny Imaginsce paper and the cork Alpha's from CTMH.

I have to admit I have other BTS layouts brewing in my head.....all in due time.

Happy Thursday my friends, I'm off to get kiddos a snack!

Staggered tears

My Biggest is off to Junior Kindergarten this year.

 3 hours away from home each morning,  to meet new friends and learn new skills.

Here in Ontario, JK has a staggered entry.  On Tuesday we went to meet his teacher and his resource teacher, both lovely ladies.

And if i were not concentrating so hard at keeping my composure I'm sure I would have enjoyed the process for my little man more.

We have been playing up school all summer long.  I have talked about it since I registered him for Kindergarten last February, where I cried amidst all the little ones saying their morning prayer and signing our National Anthem.

We have taken him to the playground at the school during the month of August to acclimate him to the environment, where I may or may not have had tears of joy and pride in my eyes when we peaked into the classroom and guessed at which class might be his.

I called the school last Monday to confess my Mommy fail for not attending the School bus safety training with him.  I may have choked back some tears when I was expressing some of my concerns to the resource teacher, who kindly suggested that I bring him in 5 days earlier than scheduled just so he can check things out.

And upon meeting the teacher and resource teacher, there were some moments when I knew I had to stop talking just because the words were going to come out in a blubbery mess.  Said teacher patted my arm and said I would be fine.

I will be fine and I know he will be fine.

It's just that he is my first to go off to school and as his mom,  I reserve the right to worry and shed tears of joy and sadness.

I have my reasons, we all do.

So next Tuesday is a big day for him.

His first day in the class for the entire three hours, with a few little friends.  I'm excited for him for that day.

And the following Tuesday will be his first week at school with the entire class.

The day after, he takes the bus for the first time.

Dear Lord, Please help me really enjoy those moments and help me get past the anxiety of the bus because I have worked so hard at getting him excited for this.  And please forgive my selfish tears.

I know he will be great.

And if there are some bumps along the way?  Par for the course..

He's going to make history that kid of mine.  I just know it.

Nighty night.

Better late than never

So July ripped through my life like a hurricane, as did the deadline in August to get my layout done for project 12.

If you can believe it for the first time in 18 months I didn't get it in on time.  

I still really love this project, mostly because it is about life.

Those special random moments that happen as you are living.

I also love that it is a double page layout that I can almost always fit in pictures that otherwise may have not been scrapped.

I got my act together this weekend and whipped out my layout.

Here is a reminder of the sketch:

 And my take on it:

I have to admit that July didn’t seem to be my best month on record for a few reasons.  I was missing some family members and I was working ALLOT!  I tried to do fun things with the boys but truthfully we just spent time in the backyard.  Mom was at Sam’s for a good chunk of the month and I found myself exhausted trying to do everything myself.  I hit a stop with my weight loss journey and I tried daily to find the good in everything but I found this month more difficult to do so.  I snapped out of it near the end and July seemed to brighten and lighten up.  Here is what Facebook had to say:

July 1 at 12:41pm In light of the holiday, I am taking a break from counting calories and making a yummy dinner and dessert. Not sure what yet but I certainly have enough to choose from! Have a happy and safe holiday! ♥ 

July 2 at 8:41pm watching Michael dance as Daddy jams. The boy has MOVES ♥

July 2 at 9:55pm Bruce is watching his favorite movie. Groundhog Day. He is denying that it is his favorite, but not convincingly. ♥

July 6 at 10:50pm At the risk of sounding dorky, I really miss the John Tesh radio show on my drive home. ♥

July 7 at 2:34pm The great thing about having boys is that they can "go" anywhere. :) ♥

July 11 at 3:11am 3:30am and sleep is eluding me. No huge surprises there. ♥

July 11 at 7:21pm My eyes are burning. This Momma is off to bed with the kiddos tonight! ♥

July 13 at 7:36 Nothing like a major corporate visit to help in ones weight loss journey! Small scale victory this morning! ♥

July 14 at 9:43pm All hell broke lose at bedtime tonight....odd. ♥

July 16 at 7:51am I gave my child a Popsicle for breakfast. In my defense it was homemade and only had berries yogurt and orange juice in it. ♥

July 17 at 7:46pm Two things that made me smile today...donating too big clothes and The Bigs playing in the pool in our living room sans water. LIG.  ♥ 

July 18 at 2:45am Too many things keep me awake at night. ♥

July 18 at 6:44pm my back is just not what it used to be...I'm creaking like an old lady over here! ♥

July 18 at 8:36pm Two things that made me smile today; Jack calling "Mickhoool" to come downstairs and play and the boys hugging each other at bedtime. ♥

July 19 at 6:18pm Thinking about you lots Kulapate. RIP. ♥

July 23 at 9:14pm Carey Hart...Hot. Corey, not so much. ♥

July 24 at 5:20am Happy Birthday to the best mom ever!! You are loved. ♥

July 26 at 7:57pmNew favorite thing that J says: "G'night Mummy." So sweet. ♥

July 26 at 8:00pm what if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday? ♥

July 29 at 6:58am The great thing about being a parent is that you get to be puked on in the middle of the night...repeatedly. ♥

July 29 at 7:16pm Just cleaned my desk. And by cleaned I really mean hid things in storage containers in no particular order. I will be kicking myself when I go to find things. ♥

July 30 at 7:55pm Raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways.  ♥

July 31 at 1:37pm Can we talk about my child that keeps throwing up in the night? ♥

 And that my friends was July.

 In other breaking news, my baby starts JK tomorrow.  

 I verklempt when I was checking his bus schedule and nearly stopped breathing. 

 Okay that may be a slight exaggeration but still....

 Happy Labor Day Friends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Go your own way

I have been bookmarking images from the WWW to  Pinterest for quiet some time now.

Mostly home decor ideas, scrap ideas, recipes and kid crafty stuff.

I had yet to use an image as a jumping off point for a scrap page untill yesterday.

When I saw this image along with this image I knew I wanted to use it on a page but I had to stew on it for a bit to figure out the story I wanted to tell.

Yesterday I figured it out and came up with this:

I have to admit, it is one of my new favorites.  I love the map paper and I love the photo of M.  It is soooo hard to get a picture of him looking at me so when I do I really cherish it.  Especially in his Indiana  Jones hat.

I also had allot of thoughts and feelings that I wanted to get down on paper about an upcoming appointment he has and of course his foray into the academics in September.  I wanted to get on paper how much I love him now and always and where ever life takes him I will always be here for him.

I hid the journalling because I was feeling pretty emotional when I wrote it.  I also tucked it into a little envelope in the corner for him to read one day.

Any great Pinterest inspiration to share?  Link me up!  I'd love to see what inspires you!

I'll be back tomorrow with another new favorite of my littlest!

Happy Thursday!

March scrap madness

I did a little scrapping this past weekend amidst the sickness that has taken over my home. 

I have this scrappy quirk that I do a page each month about my boys.

It is not really a growth update or milestone page, just some photos and thoughts.

I caught up with March for M this weekend and did this one using a PageMap.

He looked so forlorn looking out the window at the snow we still had.

I did manage one of J but I didn't take a picture because it was a full on scraplift and I didn't file who it came from so I feel a little guilty posting...

That is all for tonight.

My 2 week vacation is over.  From start to finish it felt like there was always an illness to deal with.

The last few days have been longer than usual, sticking close to home because M was sick, sick, sick.

It turns out he has an infected porcupine in his throat that need some meds to clear it up.

I'm hoping he sleeps peacefully tonight.

Nighty Night.

Im here...barely

Lots on my mind,

Pretending to take a break but really just have nothing to say.

M's Birthday was fun.

He is getting more and more interested in parties and they still make a huge impression on him.

He knew right away that there would be presents.

He knew there would be a special cake:
















I knew he would love it:





















Getting ready for J to turn 2.

Another special cake for him.

And then off to Freddy beach for our first family vacation.

We are planning to stay in Quebec city over night to ease the kids into a long drive in the car.

It usually takes B and I 10 hours to get there.

We are planning the better portion of two days.

Should be fun!!!

Goodbye 3

Someone in turning 4 in a few days.

Four...

Frig.

Four years ago I was in the hospital on bed rest, anxiously awaiting this child that would forever change my life.

We were walking along a road near our house one night when I snapped this picture of you.  I watched you and your brother run, play and explore all the while, strong winds were whipping through your hair. It became acutely obvious to me that you were leaving the toddler years behind and moving into the preschool years.   My heart filled with so much pride and love. Looking at this picture makes me reminisce on the year you have had…

Three was not an easy year for you.  It wasn’t so much that it was terrible; it just wasn’t what I was expecting.   You are not a child that I can spring things on and a lot of the times you would like for things to happen on your terms.  Sometimes I accommodated this when it pertained to small things like getting dressed, but a lot of times parenting is not a negotiation and it was really hard trying to teach you this.

We really worked a lot on kindness.  You are such a sweet and loving little boy but you really like your play time not to be interrupted by Jack.  He loves you so much and I know you do too.  I can see it when you decided at a certain point in your day that it is time to run and play with him. But playing with him has to be on your terms.  You do not like it when he tries to play with your toys or investigate what you are doing.  You like to play alone a lot.

You learned to share a room with your brother this year, then quickly decided that that was not for you and come looking for Mommy and Daddy in the middle of the night.  Gone are the days when you would go to sleep on your own, in your own bed and stay there all night.  You have taken up camp in our room.  You fall asleep there, we move you into your own room and then you find your way back into our bed sometime in the night.

You found a new love in Thomas.  We have collected movies and trains for you to play with.  You sing along to the songs and sometimes do a little dance.  Your love of the Wonderpets has diminished but you still like them every once in a while.  You started to watch full length movies but far and few between are the ones that we watch right to the end.  You stop and go back to the beginning to memorize the lines.  Your fav’s are Charlotte’s web, The Bee Movie, and The Lion King.

You liked to play with Playdo a lot this year.  And I do mean a lot.  I liked that you were being creative so I was continuously getting new tubs as the old ones dried out.  You tried your hand at painting as well but your attention span is short and you only really enjoyed it for a few minutes.  Balls and blocks still seem to be among your favorite toys.  You like to build towers over and over again.  Repetitiveness is just a part of who you are.  You could sit at the table and fill a jar full of buttons over and over again for over an hour.

You speak and refer to your self in the third person still.  It’s funny to hear you say “Michael has to get things going!”  I’m not really sure what you want to get going but it makes me mile.  You have funny little accents that you try out regularly.  Grandma says it sounds like you have marbles in your mouth.  I especially love the British accent.  Your vocabulary is coming along.  It isn’t perfect and some days I worry how you will  communicate at school.  You follow direction well and like to help out Mommy with all kinds of things, but you just don’t have that two way conversation that I would liked to have with you.  I know that you will get there when it is your time.

I tried hard to teach you about God this year.  We went to church a lot and learned goodnight prayers and to be thankful for what we had.  One of the most special moments I had with you was one night when you started saying your prayers from memory one night with out prompting.  I especially liked when you said you were thankful for your police hummer.

We experienced some wicked temper tantrums this year.  And I do mean wicked.  Nothing seemed to work to calm you down.  I tried everything.  Some days I felt like the worst mother in the world.  There was one night that I gave up and cried at night at the top of the stairs only to have you come out of our bedroom and crawl into my lap and hug me.  You certainly have the Jekyll and Hyde thing down pat.

You became really attached to me this year.  A lot of the times I couldn’t leave the room without you calling out to me.  You became a very cuddly little boy, often crawling up into my lap in the morning just for a snuggle.  You even started to ask for hugs and kisses.  It always makes my heart full.

  This job of mine to teach you to be a good person is so hard and some days I am so afraid I have messed up.  Other days I see your smiling face and your funny little conversations and I know you will be just fine.   When you leap into my arms, there is a trust in your eyes that reassures me that I am doing an okay job at this parent thing.  I am excited to see what four has in store for you, excited to see you start school and make friends.  I pray that it will be a kinder, gentler year for you and for me, and that your fourth year is filled with much fun.  Where ever the wind blows you this year Michael, remember that I will always, always love you.   

Night Night.

An ode to yesterday...

Okay so maybe not an ode, but a reminder to myself that I have 2 very good reasons to slow down and maybe look at things more from their perspective.

Originally this page was going to be called "The contents of my heart" to go with all the heart themed products that Tina gave me to work with but after yesterday I needed to write down how I was feeling and the page morphed into something else.  Plus I am totally not opposed to using pink on my pages with my two little guys.

Off to hang out with my biggest while the littlest naps.

Happy Saturday Peeps!

It was one of those days...

One hour into our day it started.

The hitting, biting, the throwing of toys.

The pushing, the shoving, the screaming.

It was not a day I wanted to be a part of.

It was not one of my finer moments in parenting.

M was in his room twice today.

After the second time I vowed to give all of us some space.

So I did what I don't normally do and let him play on a different floor than J and myself for a good portion of the afternoon.

It was slightly peaceful, but M was still tired, and cranky, possessive and unkind, that it still made the afternoon difficult.

I tried for 4 hours to get him outside for a walk, but he was having none of it, Until 1 hour before dinner.

Of course.

So out we went for a walk around the block.

The sun was just setting and both of them looked so stinkin' cute waddling in their heavy snowsuits.

The air did all of us some good.

Until bedtime...

Then it all went to the pooper again.

M is going through some sort of  Idontwanttogotobedrightnow phase.

Paired with MommyMommyMommyyoumustliebesidemewhileItrytosleep phase.

Every. Night.

I'm tired of the drama at bedtime.

The scolding at bedtime.

The raised voice at bedtime.

The complete frustration at bedtime.

Tired.


As I lay there with him watching him fall asleep tonight I wondered about a few dozen things.

Is he scared?

Does he know I love him to the moon and back?

Is he trying to one up me?

Is this a power/control issue?

What the beep am I doing wrong?

Giving in?

Loving him to much?

Not enough?

Not spending enough time with him?

Spending too much time with him?

I was a Mother I didn't want to be today.

The mother that scolded to much, raised her voice to much.

I made a conscious decision to let technology go today with a few minor updates here and there.

I didn't craft,

I didn't shower,

I didn't do dishes.

I didn't make dinner, and opted for leftovers paired with nuggets and fries.

I tried to be present.

I just don't think I did a very good job of it today.

A Tasty Snack

On my last trip up to see Tina she gave me some Doddle Bug goodies to play with.

I was and still am in love with this Bon Appetit Line. 

The little oven mitts make me happy.

I had visions of using this paper and embellies  to do a page about my Christmas baking but pictures where not taken so that idea was scrapped...(HA!)

I pulled out the papers on Monday and after looking through my pictures I knew what I would do.

M has a funny new little request that he uses several times a day.

"Can I have a tasty snack????"

It cracks me up every time.

I find myself saying out load when I am in search of a snack.

This particular day he was wanting a croissant, and proceed to devour not one, but two.

I happened to get this picture, which is far from perfect but was perfect for the memory that I wanted to preserve.

I know I have said it before and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, these moments are why I scrapbook.

Sure I could journal them or blog about them but I love to look through my albums and read the funny little stories that I wrote about and look at the pictures that I paired with them.   It makes me smile.

And because I don't like to waste my scraps of paper, I whipped out two little cards.

Simple, but I like simple.

Off to bed.

Today kicks off my 17 day vacation.

SO excited and Soooooo in need of a break.

Nighty Night.

I cried...

Last week when I heard the radio commercial informing me that this would be the week.

I cried when I told my Boss that  I was feeling a little sad about it.

I cried when I went to sign him up this morning.

He will be 4 in 3 more months.

He is JK bound in 7 months.

I know I will have a steady stream of tears those first few days.

He stills seems like a baby to me.

Growing up...

M:  uhhhh Mum......
Me: ????????
M:  uhhhhh Mum????
Me:  Yes sweetheart??
M:  Uhhh Mum, can iiiiiiii play with dis????
Me:  Yes you may, but could you go back to calling me Mummy please?
M:  Okay Mum.

It shouldn't really come as a suprise....

...that when I have been at work more than home for a stretch that it upsets The Bigs.

What I find especially  pleasing (and by pleasing I really mean it makes me want to poke my own eyeballs out) is when M feels the need to bully his brother in order to monopolize my attention.

Fun.  Times.

He knows when he is doing it, and can he ever turn on the charm or puppy dog eyes when he knows he has done something really unsavoury, like biting his brothers fingers and breaking the skin.....

Today he looked up at me and whispered "I love you too, Mummy" right after a particular event in the kitchen pantry.

Yep, I love you too kiddo. 

Love you to the moon.

But please, please, please stop with the bitting, hitting, kicking and general roughhousing of any living thing.

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.
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And just because I want to remember his charm, (like I would forget it)  A little LO I did today using one of Becky Fleck's sketches from her PageMap2 book.

Enjoy your week!!

Conversations in the night.....

‎1:31am December 8th, 2010....


Michael: Mommmmeeeeeee.....what are you dooooooooooing??????

Me: Sleeping........

Michael: Merry Christmas Mommmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeee.

Me: Smiling in my sleep.