Dusting off the old blog...and possibly a new tradition.

I have had absolutely no desire to sit in front of my computer and blog over the last few months.  Partly because life has taken precedence and partly because the letter E is not working well, causing me to use spell check a LOT!

Life has been hectic since school started.  Lots of trips to OCTC for M with a final diagnosis of PDD NOS...more on that another day.  Lots of trying to figure myself out and what I really want in life.  I'm not that much closer to an answer; I don't know that I will be anytime soon either.

Now that December is here I feel a sense of calm coming over me.  I'm not sure why, but I force myself this time of year to stop and really reflect on what is important.  My kids, my family, health, togetherness....I could go on and on. 

This year I'm going to try and get it captured in a December Daily album.  I'm not making any big promises to myself or anyone to keep at this daily, but I'm going to try to take a picture a day, and tell a story of my December a day.  My plan is to once a week spend about an hour pulling it together.  Im using Kelly Purkey's December Daily kit, Ali Edwards December Daily Digital Overlays and a Simple Stories album with divided page protecors.  I think I have chosen simple and stress free but time will tell if I made simple choices.

I did my cover today.  It took an hour max.  I love that I was able to bring it together so fast without sacrificing time with The Bigs.  Its simple, just what I wanted it t be.

 

Whatever your December brings you, I hope you have a wonderful holiday season.  I'm off to work until the wee hours of the morn so that you might find fabulous for less.

Dear Michael

I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that you are starting full day Senior Kindergarten tomorrow.  It seems like just last week that I was fretting over you starting  school...period.

 

Taking the school bus for the first time, that just about completely sent me over the edge of over- protectiveness.  But you survived.  So did I.

 

And wasn't it just yesterday that you officially "graduated" from JK?  All those feelings of trepidation were soothed throughout the year with the help of some awesome teachers and EA's that helped you adjust to the class room routines.

I shouldn't be feeling so nervous for you to head back tomorrow, but I do.  I'm worried you may not have the extra support you might need.  I'm worried about socialization with the other children.  I'm mad at myself for not working with you harder to write your name during the summer.   I'm worried that no one will "Get You" like I do.  

You know what else?  I am so proud of you and every thing you have done from one year ago until this very night.

 You have started to gain better control of your coordination and learned to slowly ride your bike with training wheels.  You have learned a LOT about empathy and sharing and caring; mostly the hard way and usually involving your little Brother You have tried new food items, and even though it has taken you 5 minutes to eat a sliver of apple, you still did it.  You have learned to control your emotions a bit better and tantrums usually settle down around the 5 minute mark instead of the 60 minute mark.  And your eye contact has improved tenfold!

You like and love people easily.  And if I had to be pick one thing about you at this age that I adore, it is that.  You love to spin and twirl and run and jump and be in the general vicinity of other people.  I love that about you.  So if you can't write your name perfectly...big deal.  We'll work on it more together this year.  What's important is that you are you.  And I love you just the way you are little man.  Knock their socks off tomorrow, and always remember that I love you and I am so very proud of you.  

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”  Dr. Seuss

Hello???

Anyone there?

How long has it been since I blogged?  It feels like eons.  Truth is, I haven't had the desire to throw my thoughts out into to cyber space lately.  I have been a little bit of a Debby Downer and nobody needs to hear or read about that right?   Instead, I offer you a layout,
because that is what this blog was intended for; scrapbooking and funny Mom tidbits.

It felt good to get this done.  It had been sitting on my desk half complete for over two weeks.  I used to be so disciplined at getting the boys monthly pages done or at least a DPS of our monthly pictures.  Not so much for 2012.   I'm okay with that.  When the time is right, and when all of my creative stars align,  I will get back at it.  Maybe even on the last weekend of September when Crop and Create rolls into Ottawa.  I`ll be attending the event that  will have over 24 hours of scrappy mayhem.  Pretty excited.  Yes I am that geeky but what evs; we all know how often I get out...

Any how, that is all for tonight.  I`m off to ride Plasma Cars around my living room with The Bigs.

Nighty Night.

Ten Years ago I picked out a card for you.

It was the last one that you would ever get from me.

I'm not sure what the reason is, but lately I have been thinking about you more and more.

Last night I cried, I mean, really cried for you.

There are a lot of days when I  wish you were here. 

I wish you could see my children, the house I live in, talk shop or politics with me.

You always knew what made me tick, even without me saying anything.

You could usually tell by my voice if i needed my "old man".

I think i miss you so much lately because I feel like I do need you.

I need a different perspective on a lot of things.

I need a laugh, maybe even a drink with you.

I miss that.  Miss sitting on a patio just gabbing, having a Brown Cow and watching the people go by.

Today it would be different because, well, because I don't really drink anymore.

You would say: "Come on J.L.  Relax, have a drink"

It would make me smile...

I miss you Dad.

I just wanted to tell you that.

XOXOXO

J.L.

This PDD thing isn't easy. Especially the wait. Waiting for the assessment. Waiting for someone to tell us yes or no. Waiting for some direction, waiting for someone to validate what I see.

Michael, you have been such a trooper. These past two years haven't always been easy, with me trying to figure you out, and you trying to find your way through this world. You have learned to navigate and express your needs through different means and I have learned to understand those different means. What sometimes seems the hardest, is trying to explain to other people what you are saying or what you want. And the other hard part? Those days that I miss your cues, and the inevitable chaos that comes with my misunderstanding. It is those times that I feel like the process isn’t coming fast enough for me. I know in the end that no one is going to give me all the answers and all knowledge that I need but maybe it will help me be more patient on the days when I feel that slipping.

You have grown so much this past year; working so hard with all of the occupational therapist and building relationships with your teachers. They all love you so much. I watch you in the playground some days and I feel the tears come to my eyes. They are tears of happiness because I see those relationships that have flourished. And other times they are tears from darker thoughts. I worry when I see you off by yourself, I worry that you might someday be the target of bullying, I worry that you will fall behind in school, and I worry that you will be labelled. And as quickly as those thoughts come, I push them away because regardless, you are going to be great at whatever YOU choose to do. You are MY hero and I love you more and more each day.

Happy NSD!

What is NSD, you ask?

Well, today is National Scrapbook Day!  Can you believe that a whole day is dedicated to scrapbooking?  Makes me giggle.  I haven't done much in the way of memory keeping lately, but I  managed to get two pages completed for the boys albums.  ( It may or may not have taken weeks to complete these...)

Both of the pictures are from last summer.  As you can see it really has been a while and I am far behind on my pages.  I have a 12 hour crop coming up in two weeks that I may be slightly excited about.  Twelve whole hours to myself.  That happens once a year.  So excited!

Happy NSD my scrappy friends!

Last Saturday night I was checking in at my favorite social network sites when I noticed a message from an old high school friend.  She was writing to let me know that my best friend from high schools' mother had passed away.

Its funny ( and by funny, I really mean not so much...) how one message can send you spiraling backwards in time.  In  an instant I was back in 1988.

This friend of mine was my partner in crime so to speak.  We started to smoke together, we drank a lot some together, we went to bush parties, had house parties, hung around the War Memorial flirting with all the skate boarders.  We loved the skate boarders.  Hell, I even busted my wrist that summer trying to do an ollie.  But I digress.

I spent so much time at her house.  So much that my Mom commented tonight how she thought that it was my second home.  I didn't want to tell her, but at that time I felt like it was more home than ours.  My parents were going through a separation and our duplex on Louisbourg was not somewhere that I wanted to be.

I called my friend that night.  I hadn't talked to her in a few years but her phone number was tucked away nicely  in my memory bank.    I know when I lost my Dad and my Brother , the last thing I wanted to do was reach out to people, but I was comforted when they reached out to me.

We talked  for a while about her Mom and shared some stories about her.  I have such wonderful memories being in their home; being in their basement watching Ferris Buellers Day Off  while her Mom sat in her chair and knit.  I spent many  mornings in their kitchen and many a night at their  dinning table.  It makes my heart heart for my friend that her Mom wont be in that house anymore.

I attended the wake this evening to see my old friend and pay my respect.  I was feeling a lot of trepidation about going.   I hate funeral homes.  With .  A.  Passion.  They smell of lilies and I will never, ever, ever like that flower.  EVER.  They remind me of the losses that my family has had.  And you inevitably bump into someone that makes you uncomfortable.    I know these points are all silly and irrelevant, however they are my feelings, and they are coming from the girl who hates funeral homes so much that she left her own brother's wake because she couldn't stand to be there one more minute.  And not because I didn't love him, but rather because I did.

I had a sick feeling in my stomach the entire drive across the river.  I walked in and saw my friend and I wanted to cry.  I asked all the questions that one asks at these things.  All the ones I hated, but found myself asking anyways. ( My Apologies D.)  I smelled those damn funeral  flowers, and I saw the one person that I knew would make me uncomfortable.

I left disappointed in myself for not trying to bridge the gap.  I left sad for my friend and her sister.  I left with some more memories that I wasn't expecting to resurface but they did.  I left happy that I reconnected with my old friends but sad that I let so much time pass, and that I let my feelings of insecurities get in the way of keeping in touch with these girls, who whether they know it or not, had a huge impact on the person I am today.  I left and went for a drive.

 I drove along the water, past the marina and thought of my friend and her Mom.  I  felt like I could drive forever tonight.  I'd  like to say that on my drive I had some mind blowing revelations about life and death, but sadly I did not.  Looking at the river made me think of how rapidly things change in your life.  One minute the waters are still and peaceful, and the next choppy and rough.  ( In awe of my metaphoric analogies, aren't you?)  I think we all want the peacefulness of the still waters, but lately they seem elusive.  Tonight just  reminded me that its not just me.  

RIP Ms. D