Thursday, April 1, 2010

Calling a spade a spade

Have you ever been in a situation where someone made a comment about you, your husband, your child or a friend that was subtle in design but was so obvious to you that it could have been an elephant standing in the room?

I feel like I am on the receiving end of those comments more often than I would like to be and I don't get it.

Maybe I have "walk all over me" written on my forehead.

Or maybe it is that I am so easy to read that the person that so graciously extended the comment knew I wouldn't respond.

Boy, are they wrong if they don't think I respond because if they had a ticket to the sold out show inside my mind would they be surprised.

I can unleash a world of misery without even opening my mouth.

Which is why I don't; I don't trust the words that may come cascading from my tongue.

History tells me that they are going to hurt.

And I am a huge believer in picking my battles, being the bigger person, leading by example...blah, blah, blah.

I don't always want to be that person; I want to tell someone who overstepped their boundaries of our "friendship" that they have done just that.

But how?

I don't struggle with this in my professional life, and that may be because I don't have a choice.

When you lead people you need to make your expectations clear from day one.

"At no point in our friendship will it be acceptable to make subtly snide comments about my child butting in line. Should you make an observation of this occurrence, please redirect him to myself and I will follow up on his behavior. "

When people fail, or become misguided, you probe, use self discovery, coach, redirect, get commitments, follow up...I could go on and on.

Should I be doing that in my personal life?

Do I need to interview people to make sure they are suitable candidates for my friendship?

Do I just need to "cut them out" as Phoebe likes to say, if they are not holding up their end of the friendship?

I'm not good at calling people out on their BS even though my radar is tuned into their BS frequency.

There has to be some sort of middle ground for me and I am struggling to find it.

And for the record....he butted in line, he's not "a really, really fast runner." 

That is why he went ahead of your child on the slide. 

Because he butted in line. 

And yes I saw it, however if you would have given me the 10 seconds to respond, I would have been able to address the issue with him directly.

So in the future, please try to parent your own child and let me parent mine.

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