Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Project Big Boy Phase Two

He is growing up before our eyes.
I can't say that phase one was a success.
We have settled on a bottle of water at night.
We still have tantrums at bed time,
but they are getting more manageable.
Mostly due to the fact the he wants to start PHASE TWO.

Yesterday he napped in his bed.
It took him an hour to fall asleep but he did it!

*I woke him up with the flash*

And last night he spent the whole night in it.
He was full of P & V bouncing around.
It was a good thing he couldn't see my face
because I was grinning from ear to ear.
After 1/2 hour of leading him back to bed he finally stayed.

I did not sleep well last night FYI.
I kept anticipating a little face to appear at my bedside.
It didn't happen last night, but I'm sure it will.

This morning he came downstairs all on his own and said:
"Good morning Mommy."
I was misty eyed.
I love that kid.

Mind you he almost got my foot up his you know what at nap time today.
Said boy thought he would take 1 1/2 hours to play before napping.
Jumping on the bed.
Pulling clothes out of the closet.
Pulling books of the shelves.
Man alive I was at my wits end.

I finished this layout this weekend about him,
And about me.
Journalling reads:

I’m trying but it isn’t easy.
Little by little my baby is slipping away from me.
I have to contain myself from hovering or being a “Copter- Mom”.
I’m letting you go down the stairs without holding my hand.
I’m letting you walk down the street a few feet in front of me.
I hold my breath when I see you trying to imitate your cousin Quintin and jump off the stairs.
No more bottles.
We have set up your room to transition you to a toddler bed.
The toilet potty seat and big boy boxer shorts have been purchased. Slowly but surely you are growing up.
My heart hurts when I look at how big you are compared to your baby brother Jack.
I have to remind myself sometimes that you are only 2 and a bit.
I don’t want to rush you.
I know only too well that it WILL backfire if I change too much at once.
I want to hold you, cuddle you, and squeeze you.
I want you to stay so innocent.
I don’t want you grow up on me.
But I know you have to.
That is why I am letting go....ever so slowly.…one baby step at a time. You are so on your way to becoming a big boy.
But you still are my sweet, sweet baby boy.
Love you.

Enjoy your day!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


When we are all eating dinner

And chatting about our days

I forget.

I know that you are here,

but there is a split second when all is quiet,

and I get up to get a drink

and cast a glance at all the baby paraphernalia

that is again scattered across the living room

that it hits me.

I see you sleeping so peacefully and so quietly that I feel a pang of guilt.

Because I forgot you were there.

And then I smile and secretly thank the heavens,

that I was able to eat a meal in its entirety.

One day too soon you will be all grown up.

You will be sitting at that table with us.

It will be noisy.

It will be impossible to get a moments peace.

Or get a word in edge wise.

And I will love it.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Still Blue

My Son has the most brilliant blue eyes.
You really don't get the full effect from this photo.
This may not seem like a big deal to most.
But to someone very special it is.
His Grandma.
She has wished and wished for a blue eyed grandchild.
J is her last hope.
He has between a 25 to 50 percent chance.
We are waiting, some more patiently than others.
It took almost 2 years for M's to settle on his color.
Keep your fingers crossed.

Do you ever feel like a horse's behind?

I do this morning.

Project Big Boy continues.

It is getting marginally better each day.

Like by maybe a millimetre.

And this morning in a toddler fit of rage,

caused by his not wanting to get dressed,

I had a glimpse into the depths of his mouth.

Guess what I saw?

Way back at the top......

Two honking molars that maybe broke through this week.

And I thought he had all of his teeth.


A horses ass I am.

For yet again feeling like I didn't do the right thing at the right time.

And guess what?

I have a feeling that this horse's ass feeling probably doesn't really ever go away.

Does it?

Friday, September 18, 2009

Project Big Boy, Phase One, Take Two.

Days after we brought J home from the hospital I decided it was time to ditch the bottle.

M had just turned two.

I thought it was time.

I started slow.

I gave it to him while reading stories on our bed for a week.

All went well...sorta....

Then I gave it to him on the couch before story time.

All hell broke loose.

He went hysterical, flung himself out of the crib, smashing his head in the process.

No blood, no broken bones, two broken hearts.

Hubs and Sis weighed in and suggested that maybe the timing was off.

We did JUST bring home a new baby brother for him and his world changed dramatically.

You never saw me fly down the stairs and get a bottle faster.

Yes I caved.

Don't judge me.

That was three months ago.

Three days ago we tried again.

I saw him show an interest in a cup that had a straw and thought to myself, "Here is my chance."

I have been promoting it as the "Big Boy Nighty Night Cup".

I have every one in the house cheering him on before he goes for naps and to bed for the night.

First night, a little whimper but it was new and he was WAY tired.

He fell asleep fast.


Day two, Nap time.


Puppy goes flying overboard.

Howling persists for 30 minutes.

I cave and enter room to save puppy.

Who am I kidding?

I went in to make sure I haven't traumatized my son again.

You see I have a knack for doing things at the wrong time.

Just last week we changed his room around and put the toddler bed in.

Maybe not strange to you but my Son is a creature of habit and routine and didn't adjust well and is still not overly keen that from his crib the view is not the same as it has been for the last 16 months.

Add to that the fact that I am working again.

And by work I mean watching some one else's child.

Just another person to take this Mommy's attention away.

Smooth move Mommy.

Any whoooooo, I rescue puppy, lie my traumatized child down as he whimpers "mooommmeeeeeee" in his most pathetic voice, and walk out.

He fell asleep.

Thank the good heavens above.

Night time arrives and I'm nervous.

We had a big day, he was tired.

I hand over the cup and say Goodnight.

Not. A. Peep.


Tonight...the fit was back.

I sent in reinforcements.

Reinforcements felt it was appropriate to put him in his big boy bed for the night.

Smooth move reinforcement.

Have we not learned from our mistakes.

Too much change for M at one time = DISASTER!!!!????

One hour later, reinforcement looks at me and says "Is that our Son?"

Me...."Fill in the blank."

Reinforcement goes up to find M in the closet.

In the dark, in the closet.

Reinforcement sent him packing back to the crib.

One. Hour. Later.


Day 4 tomorrow.

Wish me luck


Don't judge me for the following:

1. Giving my child a bottle of milk to go to bed when he is almost 2 1/2.

2. Giving my child a cup of milk to go to bed.

Yes I am aware that it is bad for their NON permanent teeth.

That is just how we roll.

Someday you will have to make those decisions and they are tough to make.

And I will support you.

Parenting is the toughest thing you and I will ever have to do.

Nighty Night!

Thursday, September 17, 2009


I have a goal.

It may seem like a silly one, but it is something I want to accomplish this year.

Something for me.

Something small.

Something not about the hate that I have on for my body right now.

I want to be published.

We are not talking New York Times best sellers list here or anything.

Just a mere Layout in a scrapbooking magazine.

I don't even need to be paid.

I would just feel a teeny tiny bit better about myself if I reached this goal.

I'm giving myself the next 9 months.

Break a leg me!

Monday, September 14, 2009

This Time.

This time I am a different Mom.

Not better,

Not worse,

Just different.

This time I don’t care if he doesn’t wear all his outfits.

This time I don’t feel anxious when he doesn’t nap.

This time I’m not overly concerned that he is not on a schedule.

This time I don’t change diapers in the middle of the night unless
ABSOLUTELY necessary.

This time I don’t jump the minute he whimpers.

This time I don’t care if he wakes up the house at night crying.

I’m just trying to enjoy these moments.

I already know they zip by.

This time I am just going with the flow.

Some sentiments and a photo that I scrapped this weekend.
My uber talented friend Lisa Kisch took these photos in August.
I just love the angle that she shot, but I REALLY love the expression on my face, Not harried or weary that my baby is crying. Just smiling and enjoying the moment.
Thank you Lisa!

Saturday, September 12, 2009


I never realized how often people ask.

I don’t want to stereotype or anything but it seems to be coming from woman from a different generation.

'Nough said.

Today it got under my skin.

“Is he a good baby?”

No lady, he’s not.

He sucks.

He gives me so much attitude he’s already been grounded 4 times.

He teases his brother to no extent,

He farts uncontrollably

His burps often end up being projectile vomit and on occasion I have had to reprimand him for that.

He is wasteful; I mean he fills his shorts 3 seconds after I JUST changed his diaper.

He parties all night long, kicking and dancing around, I’m sure he is inebriated on my milk or something.

Maybe you would be happier if I gave him a bottle of formula…maybe that would tame him?

Man alive, when will this kid learn.

So in answer to your question lady…….

WTH do you think?

How do you think I’m supposed to respond to that question?

I smile sweetly,

Look down at my chubby wubby 3 month old chunker who is finally blissfully asleep in a car seat while I ran out to do some errands.

My heart does a little pitter patter


He’s good.

And YES I will scrap these thoughts :)

Enjoy the remainder of your weekend.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

By hook or by crook.

That is what my Dad used to say.
I think it is pretty self explanatory but let me elaborate.

We didn't have a perfect life.
It was tough.

We grew up on a farm and lived off the land so to speak.
To small children, it was fun.

We moved to Canada's Capital when I was 10 or so.
We were excited but too young to know the real reasons why.

We lived with my mom's parents for a couple of months.
It was cramped.

We finally moved to a one bedroom apartment.
It also was cramped.

We changed apartments in the same building till we finally all had our own rooms.
That was bliss.

My Dad worked odd jobs, including that of a janitor of a bar.
Incidentally I would frequent that club as a teen.

We moved to a house on a suburban street.
Still no shared rooms.

Dad was working a steadier job.
We started to accumulate "things".

But I knew it took allot to get there.
I knew that it wasn't easy.
I also had figured out what Dad had meant when he said his family would never live in "low rentals".
He provided.
By hook or by crook.

I didn't ask questions.
I still don't.
Because he did the best he could for our family.
And I love him and always will.

Our family didn't make it.
Dad's boozing finally took it's toll on my Mom.
Suddenly our family of 5 was no more.
That is a tough thing to go through as a teen.
But we made do.

Mom worked 2 jobs to provide for her three kids.
We left our home in the burbs and moved into another apartment.
We were back to sharing rooms.

My mom worked hard.
And by hard I mean HARD.

There are very little people in this world whose morals and values I try to exemplify.
I live each day trying to be the good person she is.

I know she cried when she couldn't buy us all the things she wanted to.
But I know she tried.
And I also know that because she did such a great job raising us, that we never balked at what we didn't have.
Rather, we jumped for joy when she bought us the cool clothes we so desperately wanted.
And to this day I still covet those little wooden dolls she made me for Christmas one year.

I can't describe what it is like to feel so miss placed because you don't have what others have.
But I can tell you I was loved.
And she did her best.
But not by hook, nor by crook.

I quickly learned that if I wanted something,
it would be up to me to get it.
I got a job and I worked.
I bought things.
A walkman, tapes, penny loafers, brand name jeans.....
You name it I bought it.
I wasn't big on saving.
I wanted things.
I wanted to fit in.
My best purchase was a pair of purple NAF NAF jeans that had flowers of yellow and pink all over them.


That was allot in 1990.
But man they were cool.
And I felt so cool wearing those to the club and dancing high on the risers to the likes of Janet Jackson, Madonna, Vanilla Ice.


I learned some hard lessons during my teenage years.
Someday I will share,
But today, almost 20 years later I am still so ashamed of who I was, what I did.
The expression "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" comes to mind.

But luckily for me, I made it.
And I try hard every day to be a good person.
To be someone who my children will always be proud of.

My children don't need.

I have spent the last two days organizing their closet.
4 loads of laundry and several shopping trips later I can only repeat myself.

My children don't need.

M has 32 tops so far for the fall and winter.

J has close to 40 outfits ranging from size 3 months to 18 months.

In my defence, allot of M's are hand me downs from my Sister.
I'm not proud, I will accept them.
Especially since most of them are Gymboree, Gap and TCP.
Old habits die hard.....

And J is growing like a bad weed, he will need allot from now until April.
Really...he will.....

My children don't need.

They have oodles of toys to play with everyday.
Again hand me downs.
But they don't know the difference.
And If I do a good job parenting them they will grow up thankful for all they had.

My children don't need.

They spend hours outside playing in the "fresh" air, going for walks, spending time with family who love them.

My children don't need.

Tonight when I put them to bed, I thought about how lucky they were.
They would grow up with parents who were home owners.
They would more likely than not, go to University.
They would wear cool clothes.
They would be provide for to the best of our capabilities.

And I would do it,
Neither by hook, nor by crook.

And then I thought about how lucky I was.

I'm a thief....

And in the scrapbooking world, apparently it is perfectly acceptable as long as you give credit for the person you are "stealing" ideas from.

I am inspired by many and I find it easier to lift, or scraplift if you will, others ideas when I am pressed for time. They never come out perfectly like what I am inspired by but it takes the guess work out. Jennifer McGuire's work has often been a source of inspiration for me. Particularly, one of the layouts she did for CK in March'09. I can't find the original on her blog but it here is my version:

Journalling reads: This is what happens when you try to take a picture of a not quite three month old and an almost 2 1/2 year old. Strange things pop up in pictures. So typical.....

Not much else going on in our lives. The boys are growing rapidly and are each at fun stages. J giggled again yesterday and GRANDMA taught M to say "eh?" today....Canadian slang....niiiiiice.

Off to do a little scrapping while they are napping!

Enjoy your day

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Documenting them

Today He:

Is 3 months,
Has discovered his hands and feet,
Smiles at me like crazy,
Still has blue eyes,
Has laughed for the very first time,
Loves to be held, rocked, and nap with his mama,
Is sleeping between 5 and 7 hour stretches,
Is a crappy napper,
Weighs almost 15 pounds,
Is a complete joy to have around!

Today He:

Is 2 years 4 months,
Weighs 30 pounds,
Is still so serious, it makes taking pictures challenging,
Loves to run around with fruit in his hands but not eat it,
Loves to color, play with buttons and cell phones,
Watches the same episodes of Wonderpets daily,
Sleeps through the night with occasional wakings,
Is an amazing napper,
Repeats EVERYTHING we say,
Asks to hold my hand when we are outside,
Raids the refrigerator daily but doesn't eat what he takes,
Likes ice cubes as a snack,
Doesn't like much changes in his routines,
Gets frustrated when things don't go his way,
LOVES to go for rides in the car,
Could walk for hours,
Is a complete joy to have around!

Today I:
Am the luckiest woman to be blessed with these two boys!