One hour into our day it started.
The hitting, biting, the throwing of toys.
The pushing, the shoving, the screaming.
It was not a day I wanted to be a part of.
It was not one of my finer moments in parenting.
M was in his room twice today.
After the second time I vowed to give all of us some space.
So I did what I don't normally do and let him play on a different floor than J and myself for a good portion of the afternoon.
It was slightly peaceful, but M was still tired, and cranky, possessive and unkind, that it still made the afternoon difficult.
I tried for 4 hours to get him outside for a walk, but he was having none of it, Until 1 hour before dinner.
So out we went for a walk around the block.
The sun was just setting and both of them looked so stinkin' cute waddling in their heavy snowsuits.
The air did all of us some good.
Then it all went to the pooper again.
M is going through some sort of Idontwanttogotobedrightnow phase.
Paired with MommyMommyMommyyoumustliebesidemewhileItrytosleep phase.
I'm tired of the drama at bedtime.
The scolding at bedtime.
The raised voice at bedtime.
The complete frustration at bedtime.
As I lay there with him watching him fall asleep tonight I wondered about a few dozen things.
Is he scared?
Does he know I love him to the moon and back?
Is he trying to one up me?
Is this a power/control issue?
What the beep am I doing wrong?
Loving him to much?
Not spending enough time with him?
Spending too much time with him?
I was a Mother I didn't want to be today.
The mother that scolded to much, raised her voice to much.
I made a conscious decision to let technology go today with a few minor updates here and there.
I didn't craft,
I didn't shower,
I didn't do dishes.
I didn't make dinner, and opted for leftovers paired with nuggets and fries.
I tried to be present.
I just don't think I did a very good job of it today.