Ten Years ago I picked out a card for you.

It was the last one that you would ever get from me.

I'm not sure what the reason is, but lately I have been thinking about you more and more.

Last night I cried, I mean, really cried for you.

There are a lot of days when I  wish you were here. 

I wish you could see my children, the house I live in, talk shop or politics with me.

You always knew what made me tick, even without me saying anything.

You could usually tell by my voice if i needed my "old man".

I think i miss you so much lately because I feel like I do need you.

I need a different perspective on a lot of things.

I need a laugh, maybe even a drink with you.

I miss that.  Miss sitting on a patio just gabbing, having a Brown Cow and watching the people go by.

Today it would be different because, well, because I don't really drink anymore.

You would say: "Come on J.L.  Relax, have a drink"

It would make me smile...

I miss you Dad.

I just wanted to tell you that.

XOXOXO

J.L.

This PDD thing isn't easy. Especially the wait. Waiting for the assessment. Waiting for someone to tell us yes or no. Waiting for some direction, waiting for someone to validate what I see.

Michael, you have been such a trooper. These past two years haven't always been easy, with me trying to figure you out, and you trying to find your way through this world. You have learned to navigate and express your needs through different means and I have learned to understand those different means. What sometimes seems the hardest, is trying to explain to other people what you are saying or what you want. And the other hard part? Those days that I miss your cues, and the inevitable chaos that comes with my misunderstanding. It is those times that I feel like the process isn’t coming fast enough for me. I know in the end that no one is going to give me all the answers and all knowledge that I need but maybe it will help me be more patient on the days when I feel that slipping.

You have grown so much this past year; working so hard with all of the occupational therapist and building relationships with your teachers. They all love you so much. I watch you in the playground some days and I feel the tears come to my eyes. They are tears of happiness because I see those relationships that have flourished. And other times they are tears from darker thoughts. I worry when I see you off by yourself, I worry that you might someday be the target of bullying, I worry that you will fall behind in school, and I worry that you will be labelled. And as quickly as those thoughts come, I push them away because regardless, you are going to be great at whatever YOU choose to do. You are MY hero and I love you more and more each day.