Today was one of those days that everything went wrong.
From start to finish.
I woke up with a terrible headache and couldn't call in sick b/c I had a meeting. It wasn't even a meeting that I was looking forward to nor was it one that I thought I should even be at, but I went.
As I was leaving for said meeting I was trying to say goodbye to M but he wouldn't say goodbye to me this morning. In hindsight I know it was my own fault. I gave him my compact to play with and he was too engrossed to look up. Never the less I was hurt that I didn't get a morning goodbye. Especially since I HATE that I have to work.
I went to that meting, head pounding and all. At least it ended early. When I got home, M didn't even want a snuggle. He went on playing.
At dinner he didn't eat. NOTHING IN HIS BELLY. I feel guilty when he doesn't eat. Yes I know he is not going to starve himself blah blah blah. I still feel guilty. I was determined not to give in and give him something he likes, but an hour later he got a piece of polish coil. That is all he ate for dinner. Nice.
For the rest of the night he avoided me....didn't want me to read to him, didn't want me to play with him, didn't want me to bathe him or get him ready for bed and possibly the most heartbreaking to those of you who know me...No goodnight story time.
But he came through for me in a big way and I don't think he knew it. As B was giving him a good night hug and kiss he reached out for me to take him, snuggled into my neck and just cuddled.
Doesn't sound like much but it made my heart sing.
Those are the best, most wonderful moments.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand the guilt you feel. I battled that while I worked during the first few years of my daughter's life. It was especially hard because I felt like the daycare workers got the best parts of her day and I had to rush her through the parts of the morning and night that were less than ideal.
But somehow she always managed to find ways to show me how much she loved me. Just like your son.
That sweet. I love those moments, even though they are becoming scarce. I have to say the days that are really the worst are when you have a really crappy day at work(that they don't know about) and you come home and no one even acknowledges you. I feel invisible on those days... I know that to them it's nothing personal it just feels like punishment...
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