Yesterday...

My littlest angel turned one.




I was a mess.



All. Day.



I cried at the silliest things; a cheese ball Lonestar song, one the way to the Dr. office, while putting J down for a nap, while I went to pick up his cake.



A mess I tell you.



I felt so sad and happy at the same time.



Sad because I knew/know that there will be no more babies. I'm not sure that I really want more but because I closed shop, it became vividly clear yesterday that it wasn't even an option.



I like the baby stage. I love the sweet smell of babies, the little noises they make, the look of content on their faces when they are being fed, the itty bitty clothes, the look of accomplishment the get when they conquered something new.



I just don't like the lack of sleep.



This past year has been a whirlwind of change for our family.



J brought so much love into our house that I never knew was possible.



There are so many wonderful things I want to remember about him, so many little quirks.



His curls; gorgeous, especially after he wakes from a good sweaty nap.



His eyes, a wonderful mix of Grandmas and Grammies. Not my blue, but theirs.



His lobster claw toes; honestly he was born with his big toe spread apart from the rest and it always makes me giggle. Don’t fear, they close up but sometimes he spreads them apart and it is funny.



His neck; it is long, it is strong and it is confident. I love it.



His ears; the stick out more than any of us. To see him from behind with his neck held high and his curls, with the ears sticking out, it makes my heart warm.



His arms; he wraps them around my neck for hugs. If he is having trouble sleeping, we will lie tummy to tummy and he wraps his arms around my neck to fall asleep.



His hands; he loves them to be held. While sleeping, while playing.



His legs and how he used them to take his first steps last Friday.



His voice; it can be soft and sweet, or gruff and angry.



His palate; he is the best eater ever...even better than M. I may never give this kid sugar ever. (Except for yesterday...he loved his cake!)



His sunny disposition; he loves to smile and laugh. He did not cry the first week I was back at work once when I left.



His smile; especially the one that is behind the binkie.



His eyebrows; specifically his left one. It raises when he is up to no good or thinking about something.



His words; hi, bye, wow, mama, dada, amma (gramma), a don (all done), ta (thank you).



His temper; wow he gets mad...I still laugh but I know those days are disappearing and the discipline days are coming.



They way he loves to play in water; loves it. When removed from bath or pool or water table the above mentioned kicks in and he is a force to be reckoned with.



The way he looks at his brother; complete and utter adoration. Nothing makes me happier.



I know there is more, there always is.



Everyday is a joy with this kid, except the sleepless nights. He is not my BFF then.


I am so lucky.