Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Reflecting back

The last week I have been thinking allot about what was going on in our lives over the past two years.

Two years ago from today I was starting my three week long stay in the hospital waiting for M to become mature enough to deliver. I sit here thinking that that three week stint was a blessing until my sister so kindly reminded me last night that I pretty much hated it. What I really hated were the invasions on my body; the constant change of IV lines that always took three times to find the vein, the blood tests every week to check my blood type ( unnecessary in my mind..once is enough, you can't forge your blood type people!), the two amniocenteses, the constant distractions at night, the lack of privacy..I could go on.

I guess the only thing that was good about it was the sleep. I could pretty much nap all day long if I wanted to, and I did. I found different ways to pass the time like counting the cars come and go on a Sunday morning, visits with friends, reading. Once I even called my boss and asked her if she wanted me to do some work....how crazy was that?

Today I thought that I am so lucky that I didn't have to go through that again (knock wood). I am enjoying my time with M. He woke up this morning and said to Grams "mommy home today?" We really are having some good quality time together. I am constantly thinking about how I am going to juggle my time once this new man enters my life. I know it will happen, everything will fall into place. Mostly I think it will happen because I am so cautious about making M included all the time. I can't help but think though that there may not be as many special moments or alone time with the new baby and I hope I am able to juggle that special relationship as well, so that he gets from me what I was able to give to M.

Do all mothers worry about these things? Getting the relationships with their children just right. Making sure they are equal. I know they do, that is what I'm told but it doesn't always make you feel like you can do it.

I will try my best. That is what I keep tell my self. I can only do my best.

On a less dramatic note, I did some scrapbooking today on pictures I took of M and his cousin Q last year in April. I will add them to the post in the morning when there is light and I can take a better picture.



  1. We all worry about that. Finding the time for one on one. Maybe it just isn't realistic until they are a bit bigger. This time is meant to be time together learning to grow as a family imho. You WILL have some alone time though, at roughly 11pm, 1am, and 3am, when your nursing and changing that sweet little boy! I know your going to be just as great a mom with "what's his name" as you are with M. Can't wait to see your page!

  2. You know, the new one sleeps so much for the first month or so that by the time he'll actually require the kind of attention that rivals what your older son needs, you'll be used to juggling two.

    It's not nearly as overwhelming as you're probably thinking it will be. I mean, it's not super easy, but I honestly think being 9 months pregnant with a toddler is harder than having that baby out.

    You'll do great.