Saturday, May 15, 2010

Dear children of mine,

Please take note that the sh*t show you put on for my benefit tonight was unappreciated.

If you are both feeling the need to scream, yell, kick, throw temper tantrums between 6:30 pm and 7:30pm I would find it beneficial if you could just haul your butts off to bed.

J, I realize you are not yet capable of doing so, however feel free to lay your sweet head down somewhere and have a little rest while I deal with your brother.

M, if you want something, ask nicely. Screaming a one word demand will get you zero, zip, zilch. The quicker you learn this, the better.

Both of you should know that bedtime meltdowns are generally caused by extreme fatigue. Here are a few pointers that will help you manage the frustration you are feeling.
  1. Sleep in past 5:00am. Honestly, you will feel way more refreshed.
  2. Eat all of your breakfast; you need fuel for the day, especially if you choose to omit the first point from your daily routine.
  3. Nap longer than one hour per day. M, I expect more from you in this area as you are my champion napper. J, you could speak to your brother and get some hints in this area.
  4. Eat your dinner. Clearly you are tired at this point and the food will spike your blood sugar just enough to get you through till bedtime.

By exercising these options, you both should be all smiles at bedtime and ready to enjoy the stories that I want to read to you.

Delay tactics, such as screaming, screaming to get your hands washed, kicking guard rails off the bed, throwing bottles and binkies over the crib, and more screaming will only result in you prolonging the inevitable.

I highly recommend you succumb to your bedtime fate and drift happily into a blissful sleep so I can get on with drowning my sorrows in a tub of Haagen Daz.

Thank you for being wonderful children otherwise.

Love, hugs and kisses,



  1. Can you please make a copy of this letter and send it off to my children asap? That would be much appreciated. Thank you!

  2. Awe - poor thing - hope the nights start getting better for you :)

  3. Ha ha, love it!! Print this out and hang it on your fridge!!