Today

• Woke at 6:20, which incidentally is considered sleeping in.
• U-tubed  this song that I woke up with in my head and sang it all morning.
•  Finally watched the entire Monsters Inc movie with the kiddos after approximately 24 attempts.
• Checked in at my favorite social network sites.
• Read a chapter or two of this book.
• Had some hot chocolate with the kiddos.
• Played with Lego.
• Daydreamed.
• Napped for 2 hours.  (alle-frickin-luia )
• Grocery shopped.
• Went for a nice long drive.
• Had soft tacos for dinner with homemade guacamole.
• Surfed a little more.
• Got this song stuck in my head all night.
• Danced with J, he was crusty...it seemed to help.
• Intervened on a spaceship meltdown between two little people.
• Tickled M and played the elevator game.
• Read J this book, three times.
• Stubbed my pinkie toe for the second time in as many nights trying to round up The Bigs for bed.
• Looked at  pictures of the boys when they were wee.
• Daydreamed and surfed some more.

That was my completely random, didn't accomplish anything extraordinary,  day.
Night.
J

This is the post that has been written and re-written in my head more times that I care to share.  Its time to get it off my chest in some small way.

When my son was  an infant, I labelled him serious.  It was difficult to get him to smile, laugh, make eye contact.  He seemed to be developing normally otherwise.  I figured his personality would be more like mine; quiet until he was comfortable, then goofy when he trusted you.  I was pretty much on cue with that.  He seemed to learn things fast.  I thought he was a genius at eighteen months because he was reading along with me, counting, lining his red cars in a perfect row from smallest to largest.

He hit two and I braced myself.  I was waiting for something terrible to happen that never really did.  Sure he had tantrums but not anything monumental.  I could handle them.  He was given time outs in his room because he wouldn't sit on the floor.  He didn't understand that he had to stay in one place.  No big deal, he went to his room.

Three hit and I started to worry about school.  His vocabulary seemed to have stalled.  We were not having two way conversations that most kids at that age were having with their Mom.  I brushed it off.  School was more than a year away and in a year there is a ton of development.

Three was not fun.  And by not fun, I mean it didn't think I was going to survive.  We had wild tantrums in the street.  Hair was pulled, arms were bitten, shins were kicked.  No communication as to why it was happening,  but I could gauge pretty accurately from external cues what was going to set him off.   Not walking in the direction that he wanted to walk in, a different bedtime routine, his brother taking his toy, leaving a location he wasn't ready to leave.  All sound normal for a toddler who is desperately trying to control his world.  What I also noticed was my huge inabilities to reach him during those meltdowns.  I couldn't soothe him, I couldn't explain why we were doing what we were doing in a way that he understood or accepted.  I couldn't get him to look at me, I couldn't soothe him when he hurt himself, I couldn't break his attention away from the repetitive play that he was involved in.  I knew something was there but I wasn't sure what.  I always saw my Sister looking at my at different times with questions in her eyes but she never asked the question because she knew I wasn't ready to give her an answer.

On the night of his fourth birthday he was in his room, standing on the rail of his brothers crib and jumping off of it onto his bed.  There was no fear there, no comprehension that he could hurt himself   He never understood danger.  My Sister was in the room and gently asked me if I thought something was there. I started to cry and say yes I think there may be something wrong.  I cried because I knew she saw what I was seeing but never once  used the words different or wrong.  She used the words special.  I had seen her watch him over the years and I knew she saw the same things I did.

At his four year old check up his pediatrician watched him and listen to what I had to say about his development.  He made a referral to a specialist that deals with developmental and attention disorders.  I remember sitting in the specialist office, willing myself not to cry but looking for a little bit of validation that I wasn't going crazy, that maybe my son needed some extra help.  He put his pen down, looked at me and said,  " Mom, what do you think is wrong?"  The tears came because it was my opportunity to get a little validation.  I had gone online and done some research.  I had nailed down some of his behaviors and attributed them to something on the Autism spectrum.  He listen to me, let me cry, and redirected my thoughts.  He felt that it was possibly Aspergers  or a Pervasive Development Disorder.  He immediately put in a referral to OCTC for a physiological assessment to determine the root cause of M`s development delays.

I have cried A LOT over the past year for many reasons.  I don't want my son to be labelled.  I don't like it when people tell me that Aspergers is the excuse de jours  for behavioral problems with children.  I don't like it when  people tell me that it will be really unfortunate if he doesn't have anything wrong with him and that I have taken it to the level that I have because now all of this will be in his school file.  I don't like it when someone who is supposed to love us sticks their head in the sand and avoids the issues.  I don't like being the only one to advocate for my child. I don't like feeling alone. 

He had his first appointment at OCTC today.  Not with a psychologist but with some different therapist that could recommenced strategies to help him during the long wait for his assessment.  The resources that they will provide is astounding.  Speech therapy, dietitians, social workers, occupational therapists.  Nothing short of amazing.  I`m taking what ever I can get with no pride getting in the way.  He deserves everything, this kid of mine.  All I really want for him are the tools that he needs to grow and succeed.  I don't need my child to be a doctor or lawyer.  I will never put that sort of pressure on him.  I am not the competitive Mom that has their child enrolled in so many activities that they forget what it is to just play.  I have walked away from different opportunities for myself over the past year because the timing is wrong.  I put myself on the back burner frequently because that is what I believe I should do.  He needs me to advocate for him and that is what I plan to do.

Love you kiddo.

“So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.”
― Dr. Seuss

hiatus

A blogging one that is.
Most things are going on the back burner for now.
This is where I need to be.

Enjoy life my friends. 
It really is fleeting.

xo
J

Christmas 2011

I didn't post much about our holidays in December, mostly because finding fabulous for less was keeping me on my toes.  Getting home each night after a hectic day usually meant unwinding with the family and the mad dash to bedtime.  Then came year end inventory.  Oh how I loathe thee.

I digress,

Christmas was in fact great.  I make it a point every year to be prepared, if not done and ready to enjoy the season before we hit December.  Yes I am THAT person.  I have to be THAT person with my job otherwise I will turn into some sort of female version of Ebenezer and we don't want that to happen do we?  I hear so many people that work in my industry just so grumpy and fed up by the time we get to Christmas Eve that it is just plain sad.  Not me my friends.  I'm that chipper one in the corner belting out Christmas Carols that doesn't care if you can hear me or not.  Chipper because my shopping is done, my home is decorated and I may have a few dozen cookies baked.

You can throw something at me now if you like....

But seriously, it is the most wonderful time of the year so why not be happy. I'm grumpy far to many other weeks of the year, I don't need to be for those four weeks. But I also don't have any time for anything else because I gave all my chipperness away in the 14 hours that I was awake.  No scrapping, not allot of visiting.  Just home and work...home and work.  I'm okay with that too.

But now that it is all over I have  slightly more time to do things I enjoy...like scrapping.  Tina gave me some papers to work with waaaaaaaaaaaay back in October and guess what??  I scrapped!!!


The first one is some funny pictures that were captured on Christmas day.  I love them all because we all looked like we were having fun.

Huge fan of scrapping the 3x4 right now.  so easy to create a collage in Picasa and send to your developer.  You can fit way more pictures on a single 12x12 layout.

Me and the bigs with Santa.  My kids wont go near him alone.  Also, I forgot to put a title on this one so I made the teeny tiny chipboard the title just above the picture.  It says "Have you been good?"  I thought it was appropriate enough...and easy.

And then lastly, one about Scout, our elf.  The boys LOVE him, especially M.  I have been so impressed that he hasn't tried to touch him for the last two Christmases.

I have one or two more Christmas themed pages that I want to do.  As much as I love to scrap the everyday, I love to scrap the holidays.  They are part of our memories that I want to remember.  In the mean time though I'm reading this in my limited spare time:

So far so good.  I got a little emotional within the first three pages of reading it, but that story is for another day.  I'm looking forward to the moments that I can curl up with it.

Have a great day!

December Project 12

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh all done this challenge for 2011!!!

I have to admit I feel a little relieved.  I didn't think I was going to get them all done this year but I did and I'm happy.

Funny thing, I started out this year with a plan  to stick with some basic products and a journalling plan and I  veered away. 

The only thing that stayed consistent was my FB updates.  If I continue on with this challenge in 2012, I think I am going to continue with the updates as my journalling.

Since I like everyday scrapping I think it fits perfectly with monthly recap pages.

So here is the sketch:

Loved this one.

4x6 photos...check

All of them lined up in a row...check, check!

Pretty pink Jilli Bean papers from Tina's to work with...Check, check and check!

Here is what I came up with:

I wish that our skin tones were not all blown out but that's what happens with cheapo point and shoots.

Big news though...mama got a new camera.

A Nikon D3100.

I am still learning how to use it and I think I will be going for some lessons.

I know how to change the settings but I am not applying them correctly...AGH!

I honestly cant wait to really know how to use it though.

That's it for today...be back in a few days with another layout....Shocking!!!

We are hunkered down here enduring what is seems to be the Apocalypse of storms...Im sure I'll have other stuff to share!

November Project 12

Well, well, well, here we are nearing the end of 2011, and I somehow managed to pull off the second last installment of Project 12 for the year.

Don't ask me how I accomplished this, because my scrappy mojo left me somewhere back in October.

Not Sure if it was the new fall routine that caught up with me, my disorganized scrap space,  the 2 month bout with insomnia, or maybe dealing with some challenges in my home life but I haven't felt like scrapping at all.

Not one bit.  I get home from work and it is all I can do to keep my eyes open enough to eat and give the kids baths.

There have been several nights that I have fallen asleep, clothes and all, in the boys room.

I digress....Project 12 November...The sketch:

I'm not going to lie to you, I balked and panicked when I saw this sketch.  Not only was my mojo gone, but any one who knows my style, knows that I am a line `em up nice and neat, add a few embellishments type of girl.

I don't do random, I usually stick with 4x6 prints, and I took so few pictures in November, which on a side note is totally not like me either.

But I'm a good sport and committed to seeing this project through to the end, So this is what I came up with:

No word of a lie, it took me two weeks.....GACK!  I replaced allot of the photos with patterned paper, and lined up my photos more like a grid.  There are a whole slew of scrappbookers that do random picture placement so well.  When I attempt it it looks weird, so I stuck with what I was comfortable with, and I think that's okay right?

I'm happy it is done, but looking back at the month and seeing so few pictures that I took of my kids saddened me a little. I had a few more of Michael, then of Jack and I don't like to have uneven amounts, another weird quirk of mine.  I know my head wasn't screwed on straight, but hopefully I'm over that hump.

In the end I was happy to get this completed this morning.  Work will settle down soon just after year end, and we will all be settling in to winter days spent indoors.

There is also an impending purchase so near in my future.  I`m torn between the Nikon 3100 or the Canon rebel 2Ti.  ( I welcome opinions)  I have waited so long to buy my first DSLR that I can hardly contain my self and I think this mama might go a little mamma-parrazzi on her kids with her new toy.

So on that note I am going to see if the flyer's have arrived and peruse the Internet whilst the kids bathe.

Happy, Happy weekend to you all.  If you are out ringing in the New Year this weekend, please be safe.

Nighty night.

Charity begins where you start it.

Today, one of our local radio stations held a food drive to collect cans for our food bank. 

The goal was 8099 cans.

I was one of many who dropped off some cans, one from each member of our household.

Nothing major, yet all day long I fretted over how little I had done.

I drive by that radio station everyday on my way to work, and on my way home today, if the truck was still there, I was going to  buy some more non perishables and drop them off. 

As I was driving by on my way home, I saw the food bank truck leaving the parking lot and happily assumed that the goal had been met.

A whopping 17533 cans were collected for needy families in my city.

Nothing short of amazing if you ask me.

A similar food drive took place at my grocery store last weekend. 

My eldest and I dropped off some non perishables  for the food drive, as well as some cookies for the volunteers, in lieu of him sitting in the drivers seat of a city bus.

He was elated, I was happy to have helped in some small way, shape or form.

I shared these stories with my team today and we talked about how we could help someone in need this holiday season.

Our holiday gathering has come and gone, and there are some funds in our holiday fund that could be put to good use.

A goat for a third world family?  Sponsoring a local families holiday meal?

Both great ideas, but if I am being honest there is a slight motive to my giving.

I don't want my boys to grow up needing.

I am fortunate enough to have a job that pays for their needs as well as their wants.

But I really don't want to forget what it is like to need and want and know you can't have.

Because when you forget you take for granted, and I never want to be that person.

I always want to be the girl who cherished the second hand bike that her mother stayed up late nights repainting.

The girl who displays her homemade clothespin dolls somewhere safe every holiday season as a gentle reminder of Christmases past.

This season is never going to be about presents for me, nor do I want it to be that way for my children.

My boys will have lots under the tree, because I can and because I always will want to do that for them.


But more importantly, I want it to be about life, giving, presence, and love.


I want them to know that charity doesn't begin at home, but learning about it does.

I dont need my charity to be recognized, and I'm not looking for props.

But maybe if you find the time and can spare it, a donation to someone in need this season would mean the world to a Mom or Dad trying to make this holiday special for their family.

That is all