Two

My sweet baby turns two tomorrow.

How the hell did that happen?

TWO? 

REALLY?

*sigh*

It is such a sweet age, filled with curiosity, laughter, giggles, and of course temper tantrums.

As it turn out, J's tantrums are laughable.

A hug, kiss and a tickle from Mama make him forget what he was upset about in the first place.
I may bite my tongue but, I don't think I will experience the same intensity of tantrums with him.
I am breathing a premature sigh of relief.

This little guy of mine gives the best hugs ever.

I'm not lying.

The first time he gave one to his Uncle, you could see the look of shock then adoration come over his face.

He was taken back by the strength of those two little arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

Here at the DH household we are a little more used to it but I don't think I will ever get over those hugs.

This little guy of mine is sensitive.

If his brother yells, he cries and gets upset.

If I raise my voice, he gets upset.

If he hears a loud noise, he gets upset.

This little guy is a mess.
A tornado in the path of everything.
He cant eat without making a mess.

He can rarely go a day without wearing two outfits.
His hands are always dirty.
Our playroom will be clean on minute, and not so much the next.

My sweet, sweet beautiful mess.

This little guy of mine is fearless.
No shelf or chair,
no table, toy or tub
no desk or bed has been left unclimbed.
And when he reaches the top of something he does a little victory dance.
I often come out of the shower to see him perched on top our bathroom counter chewing on a tooth brush


Fearless.

This little guy of mine is a clown.
He makes the funniest faces, closes his eyes and thinks you cant see him
Does a really weird squat walk,
Adds the same word into a sentence 14000 times,
and provides endless humour when he is singing.
He is a funny little clown.

This little guy is loved.
I can not even put into word how much love he has brought to my life.
How lucky I feel to be the recipient of his hugs and kisses, open mouth and all.
I know I wont worry about him through life as much, his confidence will take him places.
I often feel so much guilt because I don't worry as much but it doesn't mean I love him any less.

I love him with all I have, all I am, all I do.

Happy birthday sweet, sweet boy.
May two be filled with much happiness and wonderment.

x/o



PS I would have added pictures but what de heck is up with blogger???

Oh to be a Beach Bum again...

I'm not to sure if you saw my post down below about  becoming a better me, but I mentioned several things that I was struggling with in reference to my body image right now.

This feeling has been lingering for some time but I think a project that I had to do for Tina really pushed me to make some changes in my life.

She gave me this beachy piece of paper to work with from Paper House Productions:

I'm not going to lie to you, I was extremely intimidated by creating something that stayed true to my style with this piece of paper.

I dug through some old photos from over 15 years ago looking for pictures of me in St.  Maarten.  I went there after completing my first year of University as a reward for doing well.

I don't often daydream about the beach, but lately I could trade in my life leading my team  and bringing you fabulous for less, and hang with the kiddos all day in a tropical paradise.

Anyhow, I came across two of me on the beach, one clothed and one not so much and had a good stare at myself.  Two things came to mind.

1.  I had the best tan that I had ever had in my life
2. At the time I thought I was on the pudgy side.

So silly, really when I think about it because I was no bigger than a size 8, yet I didn't like myself then.

Why do we do that to ourselves?  It is totally and ridiculously crazy.

I used those two pictures to make a page using that paper:

(You can click to enlarge at your own risk)

As you can see I cut the paper in half and used the beach portion of it to go with my photos.  You can't tell in the picture but all the tan areas are actually sand paper to mimic the sand.

I have this Layout above my desk where I think it will stay for a while to remind me to be kinder and gentler to myself and as inspiration of a look that I may like to achieve.

Happy Wednesday Peeps.

April Project 12

I really could have let this project slip away from me this month.  Time always ticks by so quickly this time of year.  It is so unfair!  I got my act together, and printed off some pictures to complete my monthly layout.  As I have with previous months, I used my status updates as the journalling.  I giggled as I copied and pasted them, happy to relive these little memories:

o       Hagen Daz I love you! April 1 at 8:19pm

o       "Charlie Sheen's "Torpedo" bombs in Detroit"....Did he really think it would go well???? 

o       And to all a good night!

o       Love it when the neighbors take over our backyard...

o       Sometimes I resent spell check. Maybe I wanted my letters in small caps. :) 

o       Day off tomorrow....then off to T.O. 

o       And so it begins, the season of the lawn. Not to brag or anything but ours is already greener. :) :) :) 

o       There is some serious procrastination happening in my house right now....

o       Jack is sitting on his knees watching I.T.N.G. I'm thinking as I watch him he is one of the cutest kids ever. ·

o       Packed and ready to roll in the morn. Is it bad that I am more excited to sleep and see a friend then go to meetings??? 

o       Hotel lobby....waiting for the day to begin!!! 

o       Mommy, I have to Pee. Mommy you come pee with me? Good to be home. :)

o       I have a three foot shadow today.....

o       I love a rainy night. 

o       I have one child in lap and one child on back. I think they like me. :)

o       Some one is sporting a new hairdo. He looks pretty darn handsome. 

o       As predicted the colds have been passed on to me. Sniff.

o       Easter baskets filled, Eggs hidden throughout. Heck there was even a bunny in our back yard. Can't wait for the morning. 

o       First time ever that The Bigs ate *some* of their Easter chocolate before noon. I must be chillin' out in my old age. 

o       Reminder to self: Handle life's frustrations with benevolence and grace .

o       Shingles flinging off the roof....

o       Proud new owners of a new coffee table of the Thomas the Train variety. Lucky boys around these parts lately whose Grandma loves them allot. 

o       Could the little boys in the choir be any cuter??? 

o       Waiting for the kiss so I can peal myself away from the TV and deal with the roof. 

o       Michael: Mommy do you want to go pee with me?? Me: You go by yourself; I'm waiting for the big kiss. Michael...reaches up and gives me a kiss....

o       I'm not sure who I am more irritated at now, my insurance agent or my Home builder.

o       Jack just fell asleep in my arms for the first time in well over a year...proof he is still my baby. ♥

o       Michael put curlers in my hair tonight, with intervals of him patting my chest. Kept him busy for about 30 minutes. I love that strange kid of mine. 

o       I wonder if I should wear a fascinator to work tomorrow.

All right so now that I have bored you to tears with my updates, and maybe had you chuckling trying to envision me wearing a facsinator to work, I'll get down to business.  The sketch:

 

 

 

 

 

And my take on it:

 

 

 

 

 

(Click to enlarge)

I have to tell you I worked on it in the wee hours of the morning after I wrote yesterdays blog post.  I was a little weepy and needed some cheering up.  My boys have that affect on me most days.

Off to bed early-ish tonight.  I went for a big walk today and ate better.  I feel good but I am wiped out!

Nighty Night. 

Disclaimer:  I tried but I was to tired to fix the formatting tonight...but holy cow what a mess! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A better me

I have been in a slump for a couple of weeks.

Nothing seems to pull me completely out.

The problem is me.

I don't like me very much right now.

Somehow over the past 5 years I lost myself.

I don't really miss her, that 32 year old self, but rather how she looked.

Funny thing about that 32 year old me, she didn't like herself either and wanted to be the 23 year old her.

I don't want back my youth, I just want back my body.

My tummy that I was once proud to show.

My arms that I would think nothing of baring.

My legs that used to be slim.

Now I look in the mirror and I don't see much of anything I like.

I'm getting wrinkles and still battling acne.

My eyebrows are in need of a good wax, instead of a pluck or two.

My hair could use some highlights.

And my body needs a whole new overhaul.

I have been feeling like this for almost a year.

I let myself go when I was pregnant with J because I bounced back pretty quick with M.

I wasn't perfect, but I could still shop most places.

Now I feel trapped with my choices.

I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of stores that I have no interest in shopping in, but panicking when I need something new to wear.

Last summers clothes are getting tight....How the hell did that happen?

Food, no will power, no restraint.

At 194, I feel like a blob and I have no idea how to start, how to say no, how to change.

I read this blog daily and she brought up an interesting point.

Why is it that when our kids come to us upset, hurt,or frustrated that we help them figure out what the problem is and not stick a bowl of ice cream in front of them.

Why cant I apply that concept to my life, 'cause I'll have you know that when mama has a bad day she heads straight to the bakery isle.

I know part of it is that I'm tired.

I have slept entirely through the night without waking ONCE in four years.  I am not lying either.

And it is a catch 22, I need energy to exercise but I know exercising will give me energy.

I don't want to go East in a few weeks and know that people are saying to each other, "wow, she'd put on weight!"

I don't want to stand beside the skinny girl anymore and think that I could never look like that, because I know somewhere in me I have the power to change.

But the truth is I'm afraid to try because I'm afraid to fail.

And that has to be the most pathetic thing I have ever felt.

So tomorrow I start on my journey, one that will be harder for me than quitting smoking.

I have no idea where it is going to take me.

I have no idea what I am going to do.

I have no idea if I will succeed.

I know I have to say goodbye to some foods because I do not know the meaning of moderation, but I'm not sure that deprivation  is a healthy attitude either. 

I know I don't want to have to wrap a towel around me tightly when I get out the shower so my husband wont catch a glimpse of naked me.

I know I have to exercise.

I know I need help.

So tonight I am saying goodbye to this version of me:

And hello to a better me.

When I get there, I think I will reward myself with this.

And if you have any tips, tricks, recipes, inspiration or anything you think might help me in my journey, link me up.  I'd love some more motivation!

Im here...barely

Lots on my mind,

Pretending to take a break but really just have nothing to say.

M's Birthday was fun.

He is getting more and more interested in parties and they still make a huge impression on him.

He knew right away that there would be presents.

He knew there would be a special cake:
















I knew he would love it:





















Getting ready for J to turn 2.

Another special cake for him.

And then off to Freddy beach for our first family vacation.

We are planning to stay in Quebec city over night to ease the kids into a long drive in the car.

It usually takes B and I 10 hours to get there.

We are planning the better portion of two days.

Should be fun!!!