Carve it baby!

So here is the thing.....

I have never ever in my life carved a pumpkin.

EVER!

I imagine it is left for those who really embraced Halloween or to those with kids.

That time has arrived for me.

I learned a couple of things during this carving experience:

1. Get a good pumpkin carving kit, not the kind from the grocery store that breaks 4 seconds in.
2. If you don't like guts and goo, wear rubber gloves.
3. Carve your pumpkins at room tempurature.
4. Keep the kids busy!
5. Down load a template and cut it out, don't try to re-create it free hand.
6. Laugh at yourself.....very important!

So without further adeau:

the top one is Grandma T's.

In case you missed it the first time around, she is the one responsible for these!

She did a great job don't you think?

The one to the left of your screen is an OWL.

Apparently they are mistaken ALOT for different creatures ;)

The painted ones are M's creations.  Like I said, keep them busy.

And in case you wanted the full effect ( I know I do!) here it is:

You may have noticed our Pirates now have goggley eyes.  They can see much better now!

All poking fun aside I am excited to light those suckers tomorrow and take M out to the neighbours.

Happy Halloween !!

It could have been him.

I know it's not,

But it very well could have been him.

B was surfing through the Mountain Hardwear Website and found that photo.

The gold glasses,

The non logo ball cap,

The mountains that could be the Rockies,

The mountain goat,

The rabbit ear face,

The Monkey Man fleece.

I had to look away because

It really could have been him.

He could have been anything he wanted to be.

He might have had a family of his own by now.

I may have had more neices and nephews.

It is hard to think of what might have been.

Hard to think about the relationships that were never forged.

Hard to believe he was taken so young.

We miss you Kurt.

A Racoon and a Fat Lip

Somedays I have absolutely nothing to blog about.
Those are the days that I just show pictures instead.
To me they tell stories all on their own.

So without further adieu:

Okay so the story behind the fat lip is this;
I was going outside to take pictures of my pirates and he ran after me and tripped over J's swing. Poor thing kept saying "oh dear" over and over while crying.

And the racoon is just plain cute.

Nighty Night.

Keeping up with the Jones

So our neighbourhood is strutting their very best Halloween and Fall decorations.

Cute, don't you think?

I always wanted to have my front step decorated with pretty wreathes and haystacks and every thing Autumn.

Instead we have this:

Hmmmmmm

My Sister has nicknamed them the Pirate scare crows.

So in conclusion or to sum up my thoughts about Fall decor,

Cute:

Cute:

Us:

Ya....we are kind of the Griswalds that way.......

Protecting my investment.

I love my kids.

More than life itself.

I get lost in their eyes.

I melt when they smile.

I beat myself up on the days that there are too many tantrums and too many tears.

I try to compensate by buying "presents" on those days to make them(read ME) feel better.

My kids have made me a better person.

More patient then I ever was before.

More excepting of peoples flaws.

Allowing some faith into my life.

They also made me find my voice.

I am the type of person who usually leaves well enough alone.

I pick my battles.

And most often those battles are fought in my head.

In there I say the things I really want to say to people.

It is where I really give people the lashing they deserve.

And no I am not multiple personality.

I digress.

When I found my voice I also found that there was one person that I took it out on the most.

My Love.

The guy that helped me create those beautiful children.

B.

I can't really pinpoint when it all started going to sh*t but I KNOW it was after the babies.

We struggled after M was born.

He works in an industry that is seasonal and goes like a bat out of hell for 6 months, works like a normal human for 2 months, then usually is on vacation for 4 months.

He was tired, I was tired.

It was always a competition as to who was the most tired.

And it took it's toll.

I let it go.

He was important to me.

Then J came along and all those feelings of frustration that are no doubt born out of complete and utter sleep deprivation came rushing back to haunt me.

I was angry at B again.

For not knowing that I needed him more.

For not knowing that I was drowning in the overwhelming responsibility that I felt looking after two babies.

For not telling me I was Supermom every day.

For not telling me I was still beautiful.

For falling into bed exhausted and not saying goodnight.

For so many things.

I contemplated doing it on my own.

I even muttered that I would rather be a single parent if he was going to not help me.

But I never had the courage to give him the boot.

Instead I chased after him into his sacred garage and let him know how I was feeling.

It didn't go very well.

I stammered through what I needed from him.

He interrupted me several times.

I'm pretty sure I screamed "LIPS MOVING ...STILL TALKING!"

Then we went to bed.

I didn't really feel like we accomplished anything.

I still felt angry inside.

I wished that we would have talked more about kids and our beliefs on child rearing prior to popping out two.

I talked to some friends.

They told me I wasn't alone.

They went through the same things.

I felt slightly better.

I got in the car, plugged in my IPOD and took the scenic route to the grocery store.

A song that I had downloaded a few years ago started to play and I started to cry.

It was "We belong" by Pat Benatar.

I remember thinking that we do belong together.

We have built a life together and I wasn't going to give in.

I was going to fight for us.

So I marched myself back into that garage and let him have it again.

Not exactly the declaration of love that I thought was going to happen.

Instead I quoted Pat:

" don't want to leave your really, I've invested too much time."

CHEESE...

But it is true.

We have.

And fatigue shouldn't be the reason to throw in the towel.

We have started that uphill climb again.

I try a little harder to stay awake to see him so we can have some "us time".


He tries a little harder to help me when he sees I need it.

He asks if I lost some more weight.


He says he doesn't care what I look like now because he believes I'll get to where I want to be.

And he really listened when I told him how scared I was.

We are in this crazy ride together.

This is the life we built together.

I don't see myself with anyone other than him.

I'm sure he finds some of my habits just as annoying as I find some of his.

But that is what makes us a team, what makes us work.

And we are going to do our best to protect US.

I have a hate on for my handwriting.

I really do.

I was born with some defective handwriting gene.

It is terrible.

You may think it is not bad but really it is.

I rush through writing so fast that letters merge into one.

It is so bad that when I have left hand written direction at work for tasks to get done, they have occasionally not been completed because no-one could understand my writing.

So it is no surprise in scrapbooking that I opt to type my journalling.

I have tried to incorporate my handwriting but every time it graces my pages I feel I have ruined them and I have to come up with some creative way to cover it up with some cute font from my computer.

And more often then not it is the Ali Edwards font. Her handwriting is so nice that she actually has a font.

Seriously? I want my own font. Except NO ONE would ever use it because it would be a big honkin' mess.

My Sister and I were discussing this dilemma of mine yesterday during a little sisterly crop time.

I was trying to hand write some journalling all the while hemming and hawing.

Not only was I trying to hand write something but I was trying to do it on a itty bitty journalling card.

I find it better to keep my handwriting contained but that poses a second problem.

I have been known on occasion to be slightly loquacious on my layouts.

I can't help it. I have lots to say and it's not like pictures are going to tell me to be quiet.

Are you still with me?????

So today I noticed this challenge and I thought it was time to share.











Hideous isn't it???

So in an effort to embarrass *ehehm* embrace my handwriting I am trying to incorporate it more.

This one of my brother is just around the edges. It was hard because I had so much more that I wanted to say that I could have written forever.

















This one of M from the summer on a little journalling card:

And last but not least this one.

You might recognize the photos from this previous posting.

So there you have it peeps.

My horrocious (atrocious + horrendous) handwriting.

The only legacy I'm leaving with this one is hopefully they will learn what cursive should not look like!

Thank the Lord that I am NOT a school teacher.

SLEEP

I am sooo over it.

I swear that is all anyone talks about to a new MOM.

"How does he sleep?"

"Does he sleep through the night?"

"My baby slept through the night by now....."

"You let him sleep in your bed. *tisk tisk* That will be a hard habit to break."

"You are still nursing him in the night? You need to stop that before it becomes a habit...he doesn't need it."

"You lie down, nurse, rock him to sleep?" *tisk tisk*

For the record......

J WAS a good sleeper then it all went to crap.

M occasionally wakes at night.

I suffer from insomnia usually between 2am and 5am.

I have a sarcastic smile which is used when I think you are full of sh*t, bragging about your babies wonderful sleep habits.

I want to slap you a little bit when you say things like " We didn't want to be THAT parent."

Babies sleep better on their tummies, which is why your baby slept through the night some 39 years ago. Today we put them on their backs; it's safer.

Breastfed babies don't usually sleep through the night. (Don't fight me on this peeps. I have done my own statistical analysis.)

No, a bottle of formula is not going to help.

CIO doesn't work for all babies and it's not because I did it wrong. FYI I think it sucks!

I just don't care that much anymore. I spent far too long trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. And the answer is this:

Nothing.

I did nothing wrong.

I just believe that babies are all programed differently to sleep.

We all have different personalities, why should our sleep personality all be the same?

He WILL one day sleep through the night.

They all do eventually.

I would rather spend my days enjoying their itty bitty-ness.

It goes by too fast to be hung up on something as silly as sleep don't ya think?

Today

For the first time today M started to sing a song at the same time as it was playing.

My heart filled with joy.

He makes me so proud of him.

For the first time today J enjoyed barley cereal.

He opened his mouth wide and gobbled up more than his fair share.

He makes me smile in wonderment at how he can be so different but so much the same as M was at his age.

It was a good day.

The End!

Thankful...

...for oh so many things this year.

Thankful that I let M sit on my lap this morning and show him how to type out his name. The smile was totally worth it. (mmnuiuiicxchhhhhhaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeelllzz)

Thankful that we have Baby J in our lives to round out our family.

Thankful that I am hanging on, if even by my pinky toe. I can see light at the end of a dark tunnel that I was travelling through.

Thankful that some 16 odd years ago I chose the right path and let go of "friends" that were leading me down a rocky road.

Thankful that if even for a short time I was blessed to know some very important people.

Thankful that on days where I feel that I am not a good enough Mom, that I have my Sister to share her war stories and make me laugh through my tears.

Thankful that I have a Mom who loves me and encourages me.

Thankful that I have found a few ways to document "OUR" stories so that decades from now, M and J may have some answers to their burning questions.

Thankful that even though I am not where I want to be physically, that no serious disease has touched me.

Thankful for the health of those people I love so very much.

Thankful to the MAN or WOMAN up above that has given me a blessed life.

May you all have a wonderful and plentiful Thanksgiving.

It takes me FOREVER.......

......To get one page completed.



I have taken to scrapping at the kitchen counter whilst watching the kiddos.



This one is about a car ride we *often* take when someone is cranky or missed a nap....or if I'm being brutally honest, sometimes I need to just drive and not talk.

















This one is the layout that goes with this post:















Enjoy your day. Mine has been pretty static.

When in doubt.....

Break out the green paint and the potatoes.

Major Cuteness

He is so cute it makes my heart hurt.

I'm DONE!

I have had it.

Really I have.

TWO SUCKS!!!!

Where did my sweet, sweet baby boy go?

Why the heck is he acting like this?

Was it something I said?

Was it something I did?

I can't help but blame myself.

I know he is going through allot.

Project Big Boy Phase One and Two are difficult.

He goes down for a nap screaming bloody murder.

I swear the neighbours think I am beating him.

He has this new scream that is blood curdling.

It gives me a twitch.

I clench every time he does it.

My blood boils.

I try to talk myself down and calmly explain to him what his choices are.

Serenity now...serenity now.

It's not working.

And I feel like I have no one to blame but me.

How can I go from beaming with pride at him one moment,

to wanting to put my foot up his butt the next.

please excuse the frankness but really, if you heard that scream..........

I really have to call upon all of my patience to get through this transition.

Wish me luck.

Mirror image

Caution...possible boring post ahead.



I am not a huge animal lover.
*GASP*
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate animals.
Really I don't.
I just think they are high maintenance.
You have to feed them...
Take them to the vet..
Brush them...
Clean their litter boxes or pick up their poo...
Feed them some more...
And the fur.
It. accumulates. every. where.
Everywhere.
Carpets...
Furniture...
My clothes...
Not great when you wear allot of black and have a white cat.
Yep...we have two cats.
And I'm not a good Mom to them.
I don't beat them I swear.
My children have taken over.
And I hate vacuuming all that hair up,
especially after I have been wiping snotty noses all day.
Okay maybe I don't do the vacuuming.......
Or all of the snot wiping.....
I digress.
My point.....
Last Saturday my Cat got out.
She is a little princess.
And I really do love her.
B brought her home the first time I moved away from Ottawa.
We think she was abused.
I swear not by me.
She wouldn't come out from under the bed for two days.
She was a peanut.
And we love her.
So imagine my surprise when my Mother shrieked last Saturday..

"OH NO!!!! ZIPPY IS OUTSIDE!!!!!"



















I jumped to save Zippy.
Apparently my maternal cat instinct kicked in.
Poor thing must have gotten out when B went to work.
M Kept saying "Poor Zippy....That's Zippy!"
He was tickled that Zip was outside.


















So I went to grab her when I noticed something.




















This freak of nature with two different eye colors is NOT my cat.
I dropped him/her/IT pretty quickly.
You can't see it because I zoomed in but THAT THING was opening my screen with her CLAWS.

FREAK.

My Princess is de-clawed thank you.
Yes I know it is inhumane however,
It is unreasonable to have to replace your couches once a year.
Just then guess who came strolling by to see what all the commotion was about?

















I wish I had a better shot but my Cat is camera shy.
This one.....Not so much.



















FREAK!!!!!!!!


He/She/IT hung around for 14 hours.
B felt bad that it was out there that long.
He thought it was going to starve.
Did you see those teeth?
Just as he was cuddling this FREAK CAT, my other cat Moose strolled by.
He/She/IT had the audacity to hiss at him while B was holding him
B scolded the cat and sent him packing.
It rained all that night.
No I am NOT giggling....
I looked for that cat the next day.
Couldn't see him.
I do know He/She/IT is fine though because I saw it scaling my fence this morning.


FREAK!