Awake

There are days on end where I could sleep at the drop of a hat.

Tonight apparently is not one of them.

I was lying in bed wishing for sleep with my eyes close but I was wide awake.

WIDE AWAKE.

Maybe it is the excitement of our first snow fall,

In which I celebrate (yes celebrate) by putting the kids in their new footed reindeer PJ's.

Maybe it is the excitement of Halloween tomorrow night.

(totally laughing at myself though for talking up two holidays in one day.

Maybe it is thinking too much about November and December scheduling and making time for everything and everyone.

Or maybe the cup of tea I had two hours ago.

Who knows...

Truth be told I like these quiet moments where no one is needing me.

This is my alone time.

The time when I rejuvenate my mind and spirit.

Time to get things of my chest,

My creative outlet fulfilled in some little way.

ahhhhh the silence...

I'll leave you with another LO I did of M.

I totally love this picture of him from this past summer.

The two of us were spending some alone time up by the river feeding the birds.

There is an old Mill there (Watson's Mill). 

We go there allot to feed the ducks and watch the water flow under the bridge.

The Mill is apparently haunted and it is beautiful there.

I always envision it filled with white lights and candles, round tables with perfectly pressed white table clothes, the perfect stage for a little intimate wedding reception.

I digress...

The building is old and made of stone, the perfect backdrop I think for a photo.

He looked so sweet sitting there on the bench....Makes my heart happy!

Happy weekend and Happy Halloween!!

October Project 12

I know, I know.

October still has two days left.

But ya know what.

Those two days will be filled with Halloween pictures,

that by their own right will need separate layouts.

Just call me organized this month.  :)

I have to say when I saw the sketch for this month I was nervous.

I don't do well with random pictures that are neither lined up or symmetrical.

As well, the circles, and stitching??

Beautiful but it didn't fit in with my crunched for time month.

If I had a sewing machine I would rethink,

however hand stitching wasn't in the cards this month.

I made do and in the end I was pretty happy.

The sketch:

And my take on it:

It's done, I'm happy!

Now to focus on Halloween.

So excited for this year.

We have been talking it up allot, so M is getting excited!

Can't wait to take pictures and show them to you!!

Have a great weekend!!!

x/o
J

ps the !!!! are intentional!

Buckle up!!

Just stopping in quickly to share my second layout for Tina.

I love that she gave me the Jillibean soup paper to work with.

Kraft, bright colors, boy themed...uuuhhh...heeelllooo!

Perfect for my little guys,

who BTW love the car.

Stay tuned for another car themed layout.

and on a side note, I started the pumpkin carving tonight.

In case you are new to my blog or need a good laugh, you may want to head to my October 2010 archives and read this and this.

I swear those posts will never get old.

Nighty night.

He was walking across the parking lot, just as I was pulling out.

I let my foot of the gas and let my car roll slowly so I could watch him for a couple of minutes.

He was wearing his ball cap and jean jacket that I have come to recognize,

and his hands were shoved far down  into his jeans pockets.

I couldn't see the expression on his face,

but I could almost feel the disappointment that he was going to feel when he figured out that his daughter had already left for the night.

He comes often to see her.

Sometimes walks her to work and shares a morning chat and a cigarette.

Sometimes at dinner, and sometimes to walk her home after the late shift.

We often exchange a smile, a hello, a few niceties about his daughter.

Seeing him tonight made  my heart hurt a little.

Had she not told me,  I would have figured it out on my own.

There is something far too familiar about him.

The way he carries himself maybe.

The loneliness that is implied by his frequent visits.

His eyes.

The eyes always give a person away.

He reminds me of my Dad.
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I drove away tonight thinking of him, thinking of mine.

Wondering about addictions, diseases.

Wondering about friendships, and faith.

Wondering what I could have done better or differently as his daughter.

Wondering what if...

Remembering the nights when I didn't want to go out with friend but was happy enough to go see Dad and play cards.

Remembering the nights where I was too busy to go say hi.

Remembering the calls when I need help, needed advice, needed my Dad.

Remembering that life is too short and you can loose someone before you have a chance to tell them that.
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I want to tell her these things.

Tell her to stick around sometimes because he may just want some company.

Tell her to spend time with him now, before its too late.

Tell her that she only has one Dad.

But she is young and has to figure these thing out.

Sort through her anger, her fear

He has let her down in a way that a parent shouldn't.

I want to tell him to take care of her.

I want to tell him that she is really hurting because of him.

I want to tell him that he can get through this, many people do.


He has to try.

For himself and for her.

But I'm not going to.

It's not my place.

I am here to lead and coach her.

To listen when she needs to talk.

Not share too much of  my infinite wisdom with her and not meddle in their business.

I will just be the silent observer in the parking lot, hoping that their ending is a happy one.

Because I am not her Mom,  nor his Daughter.

And it seems like the right thing to do.

Maybe.

Laughing at myself.

Did anyone notice that I misspelled the first in my title down below?

Ahhh I love it when I do crap like that.

I'm  keeping it there just for kicks 'cause I'm cool like that!

My First Assignment!

*insert me jumping up and down here*

I went up to Tina's to collect some goodies two Saturdays ago to get started on some design team work.

I left her store feeling really excited and slightly nervous to get started. 

One of the lines of paper she gave me to work with was the Imginisce Birthday Bash.

The colors are right up my alley.  The reds, browns, yellows and turquoise.....ahhhh they make me happy.

It is a rare occasion that any of my layouts don't contain those colors.

I'm pretty sure I wasn't even home and I knew what I wanted to do with them.

Unbelievably I hadn't scrapped M or J's first birthday.

I have scrapped updates but nothing to mark that special milestone.

And it had nothing to do with not having any pictures.  :)

So my first assignment was of M and his birthday cake,

which for the record, he did not like.

It is simple but I really like how it turned out.

I also made some Birthday Banner cards.

I won't mention any names, however someone took a shinning to one of these cards and was running around like a madman with it and it got destroyed.

I now have to make another.

That's it for now my friends. 

I had planned to do more by now, but I had my brother visiting from the great white north last week and the place where you find fabulous for less has been hectic.

More projects to come.

Happy Saturday!!!

September Project 12

When I sat down to do my journalling for September it was already Mid October.

Unbelievable how fast time seems to go by these day.

September was such a wonderful month.

Sunny and bright on the days I needed it to be.

And rainy on others, mostly days I was working.

Good for me, not good for Mom and the kids.

We had record rainfall amounts in September here.

Our lawn, which is the envy of all our neighbours, is so thick from the rain.

I digress.

So...yeah... Project 12 September sketch:

And my take on it:

Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Another page for the books.

Glad to have these little reminders of what life is like.

Happy Tuesday readers, whoever you are! 

:)

A fun little game one of my favorite bloggers has going on.  Play along, won't you?


1. What is your favorite word? serendipity




2. What is your least favorite word? the "C' word



3. What turns you on? True love



4. What turns you off? morons


5. What is your favorite curse word? currently...GoatF*ck




6. What sound or noise do you love? My boys laughing



7. What sound or noise do you hate? Too many people talking at the same time.



8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? SAHM



9. What profession would you not like to try? Alaskan king crab fisherman



10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? " I know you tried to do your best everyday.  Good job!"


Now you have a go.

Happy Scrappy News!

I found out about this last week.

I was instantly a huge fan of Tina's store from the get-go.

She is nice, kind, easy to talk to,

and it also doesn't hurt that she carries all of my favorite brands of scrappy goodness.

She even ordered something for me that she knew I wanted without even asking!

To say I am honoured to be part of this team is an understatement.

Thank you Tina for adding me to your team!!

Forty.

It is a milestone.

It is not everyday that someone I love turns the big four oh.

Especially on 10-10-10.

You and I have been together almost 15 years.

More than two thirds of your life.

We are self proclaimed soul mates.

We can read each others thoughts.

Appreciate each of our own humour.

We don't often fight but when we do, sometimes it takes a while to recover.

We usually end up stronger than we were to begin with.

You took some convincing that we were ready to have kids.

If I'm being honest I took the decision out of your hands.

Today you wonder why we waited so long.

I think we needed those ten years.

To grow.

To learn from our mistakes. 

To determine what we really wanted from ourselves and each other.

And we have grown.

Together.

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Happy Birthday B! 

Never doubt my love for you. 

It may not be perfect but it is real.

I can't wait to travel the path with you on the way to your next milestone.

Transition

I may have mentioned a little someone in my life is going through a phase.

An "I only want to do things with Mommy" stage.

A " lets wake mommy up 5 times a night" stage.

A "I want to hug Mommy when I feel some discipline coming on" stage.

A " Don't let the little brother play with anything" stage.

Some days it is cute the way he wants me all the time.

Other days I question the quality and quantity of time I actually spend with him.

I'm sure it's all  normal.

One of those "This is my first child and I have to analyze everything he does" stages.

I'm going to analyze less and enjoy more.

:)

Right now...

• I am listening to the gentle pitter patter of the rain and thinking "how could it be raining again?"
• I have the TV on and Intervention is on.  I don't watch allot of TV.  This show is bothering me in ways I cannot explain.
• I am wondering why M is so attached to me.  I love that he wants to be around me all the time but I can't help but wonder what is going on in his little head.
• I am contemplating change.  Fall/Autumn does that to me.
• I have a secret.  It is a good one.
• I am counting down the days till my little vacation, which will be a staycation.  No potty training will be involved but it is time for the Parents to reclaim their room, and for two brothers share one.
• I want to go get J from his crib and snuggle with him.  He is growing too fast and I feel I am missing out on some things, especially during M's attachment phase.
• I am eating a piece of coffee cake, slightly warmed with butter.

Randomness on this Wednesday evening.
Nighty Night.

somedays...

it is important to be the one to take the first step.

it is important to leave work 5 hours early and drive 40 minutes clear across town to tell someone you love them in person.

it is important to admit when you were wrong, even when you may still feel like you are right.

it is important to let someone see you cry, and know you are human and make mistakes.

it is important to wait to pick the kiddos on the off chance that you can have some much needed alone time, and then alone time with someone you love.

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.
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I needed to be that person, and do those things today.

Imagine my suprise....

When I sat down to do my nightly tour of the WWW and saw this:

as the featured project at Two Peas.

Sometimes after a rough week at work, little things like that make me smile.

All kinds of fun scrappy news this week. 

:)  :)  :)

Nighty Night