Last week...

I finished nursing J, 2 months shorter than M.

I pulled out of my house and drove a new 20 km drive to my new store.

I fought back tears several times

I met my new team.

I was reunited with a manger I had worked with in the past.

I made snap first impression judgments, some were bang on, some were way off.

I butted heads with a couple of people.

J started sleeping through the night.

J stopped sleeping through the night.

J took three steps.

M redeveloped excema.

M informed me that he had to go to work.

I experienced a different type of exhaustion.

My feet hurt from wearing high heals for the first time in almost two years.

I rediscovered my love for Starbucks green tea,

and what it was like to be so busy you didn't stop.  All.  Day.

I felt that same sense of panic on the drive home as I did two years ago,

and the same rush of joy when I gathered my boys up in my arms when I walked in the door.

The 7pm page for me to pick up line one made me smile because I knew it was time to goodnight to the turkey and the monkey.

Last week  wasn't perfect, if it where I would still have been at home with my guys.

But it was good, better than I expected.

Both boys are meltdown free, and in a home filled with love, with a Grandma that loves them, plays with them and takes them on fun adventures.

They are showered with love from a Mommy and Daddy who are away all day, and in my case, two nights a week.

And I can only ask for that during this chapter of our life.

Heres to an even better second week.

Nighty Night.

Tomorrow I start work.

I will be missing this guys funny antics,

And this little guys mostly smiley disposition.

I feel really sick to my stomach about it but I know it will be okay.

I just hate to miss out on things, hate to have someone else tell me something cute my kids did for the very first time without me seing or hearing it for myself.

I guess that is just the way the old cookie crumbles.

Suck it up butter cup, right??

So I may be MIA for a couple of weeks untill I get myself organized. 

Off to enjoy the day with Sweets and Lovey.

Happy Victoria Day to all the Canadian peeps, and happy Monday to the rest of you.

Through the monitor....

at 5:00am this morning came  the sweet voice of my monkey:

"Mommy, where are you?  Mommy, where are you?  Mommy?  Come out, come out, where ever you are."

Upon my entry into his room at 5:02am:

" Der you are Mommy!  Okay, lets go downstairs."

And so our day began.

Valley View Farm

Last year my Sister  introduced me to the wonder that be Valley View Farm.

As  I (then just 4 weeks pregnant) walked through with M, then 16 months old, I was in awe.

I grew up in a very small town on Vancouver Island, where we lived on a farm.

I remember going to grocery stores for non perishables, toothpaste, T.P., shampoo. Not allot more than that.

We had cows, pigs, chickens and a huge vegetable garden and lots of berry bushes.

I would be hard pressed to think of anyone that I know that grew up in this setting but I have to say it was wonderful.

As I walked through Valley View Farm, all my childhood memories came flooding back just from the smell.

Yep, nothing likes the smell of cow terd to conjure up those good ole memories.

I love that smell, weird I know, but I do.

When my MIL was in town for M's birthday I thought it was the perfect opportunity to visit Valley View again.

I knew M would love it, since he seems to have a serious love on for Charlotte's Web.

I was right, he did love it.

But I was wrong in what he loved about it. He wanted to play at the park and play on all the old machinery, tractors and trains.

He wanted nothing to do with the animals, which was a little disappointing because one of the best times to go there is in the spring when there is new life everywhere.

I got over it because seeing him run from tractor to tractor made my heart warm and fuzzy.

J was content to stroll about with Grammy.

Near the end of our visit we took the little tractor trailer train around the future corn and wheat fields.

The conductor, in all of his 16 year old glory gave us the grand tour.

My favorite line was "If you look to your right you will see the old church across the street."

NO. WAY.

It really was a wonderful morning though, truly.

The next morning M woke and the first words out of his mouth were "Okay, let’s go see the animals."

I was happy that our little field trip had made an impression on him.

I plan to make another trip back in the fall, when J can walk around and enjoy it more.

Until then I preserved our little outing in the form of a scrapbook layout.

NO. WAY.

I bet you knew that was coming right?

And for good measure I'll show you two other layouts I did from our first visit. FYI the first is a scraplift but for the life of me I don't know who inspired me. I was pregnant with J at the time and my creativity was set at zero.   The second was a gift to my Sister as a momento of our outing.

As always thanks for stopping by.

Dear children of mine,

Please take note that the sh*t show you put on for my benefit tonight was unappreciated.

If you are both feeling the need to scream, yell, kick, throw temper tantrums between 6:30 pm and 7:30pm I would find it beneficial if you could just haul your butts off to bed.

J, I realize you are not yet capable of doing so, however feel free to lay your sweet head down somewhere and have a little rest while I deal with your brother.

M, if you want something, ask nicely. Screaming a one word demand will get you zero, zip, zilch. The quicker you learn this, the better.

Both of you should know that bedtime meltdowns are generally caused by extreme fatigue. Here are a few pointers that will help you manage the frustration you are feeling.

1. Sleep in past 5:00am. Honestly, you will feel way more refreshed.
2. Eat all of your breakfast; you need fuel for the day, especially if you choose to omit the first point from your daily routine.
3. Nap longer than one hour per day. M, I expect more from you in this area as you are my champion napper. J, you could speak to your brother and get some hints in this area.
4. Eat your dinner. Clearly you are tired at this point and the food will spike your blood sugar just enough to get you through till bedtime.

By exercising these options, you both should be all smiles at bedtime and ready to enjoy the stories that I want to read to you.

Delay tactics, such as screaming, screaming to get your hands washed, kicking guard rails off the bed, throwing bottles and binkies over the crib, and more screaming will only result in you prolonging the inevitable.

I highly recommend you succumb to your bedtime fate and drift happily into a blissful sleep so I can get on with drowning my sorrows in a tub of Haagen Daz.

Thank you for being wonderful children otherwise.

Love, hugs and kisses,

Mommy.

Mixed emotions.

I am so very fortunate to live in a country that allows an entire year of Maternity Leave.

It also just happened that I had 5 weeks of vacation that had to be taken before I left to have J.

As of today I have been off for one year and 2 weeks.

So very lucky, I am.

Which is why the cloud that loomed over today was unwelcomed.

I met my new boss today for lunch to discuss my return and had some interesting options put on the table. 

At first I thought I would return to my old position, but after hearing him out, and weighing the pros and cons offered, I took a lesser stressful store.

Same money, an assistant who has my back,  and less stress.  I would be silly to turn that down right?

I feel good with my decision, but as I pulled out of the parking lot of the restaurant the tears started to fall from my eyes.

On my own accord I agreed to go back one week early. 

He didn't ask,  I offered.

I have my reasons.

But I feel a little like a traitor.

It will be one week that I won't be home with my babies and it  may not seem like a big deal but I was so overcome with emotion.

I tried really hard to keep my tears in check but as soon as I walked in the house and heard their voices they started to fall even harder.

I  remember all to well that feeling in the pit of my tummy,  leaving every morning, and the sheer panic that set in at 5:00pm when I knew I had to get on the road home.

I would grip the steering wheel so hard I had white knuckles.

I hated that feeling.

Eventually it subsided and going to work got easier.

Maybe it was because I only had one babe at home.

Maybe it was that I became pregnant within 4 months of returning to work and I knew I would be home for a year again.

For what ever reason I felt better about being a working Mom.

But right now I feel like I'm ripping my kids off of one week.

I especially feel that way for J.

As hard as I try to make sure he gets the same attention as M,  I know it just wasn't the same.

M had more time with me in his first year because I had to take my vacation at the end of my first Matt Leave and then he had me for 5 weeks all alone before J was born.

J will not be nursed as long, frankly I will be suprised if I make it through the next two weeks.

J didn't get two maternity leaves and he never will; there will be no more babies born from me.

I just feel like he is getting the shit end of the stick.

And how will M adjust after having me home for more than 2/3rds of his life?

It really is hurting my heart.

I hate that I have to work.

But I know that I do it for them, you know, so we don't have to live in the slums...

I'll get through it, because that is what I do, but man alive I am going to miss my boys.

Thats's all for tonights pity party.

Nighty Night.

Documenting J

He's growing...growing...growing.

It is crazy how much he changes.

His hair his getting longer and more curly.

He is getting into things he shouldn't.

He is stubborn.

He has a temper.

He is the worlds worst sleeper.

He is the best eater EVER!

His eyes are blue...they will always be blue.

He says Momma, Dada and WOW clearly and I'm sure he says other words but I haven't deciphered them yet.

He loves his brother...loves to chase him around the room, loves to bathe with him.

He loves to torture Moose...not really a big suprise.

He laughs when I ask him if he wants a snack....hysterically.

He is ticklish on his upper back.

He is deliciously devilish.

Mind boggling mischievious.

He is my Lovey.

My Turkey.

My Imp.

Cute isn't he?

I'm a Mudder

6:30am
M:  It's my Happy Birthday today!
Me:  Actually, your birthday was on Monday.  Today is Mothers Day.

One hour later, while I am getting ready to leave for church
M: Happy Mudders Day!
Me: *Smiling ear to ear* Thank you sweatpea, you make it all worth while.
M: It's your Mudders Day.
Me:  Yep, it is.

Happy Mudders Day to all my Mom and Mom to be readers.  

This journey may not always be easy but to hear one of my children wish me those sweet words for the very first time makes  everyday, good, bad or otherwise so very worthwhile.

And yes, those would be matching shirts again.  They say "My mom is my biggest fan". 

Nothing could be closer to the truth.

A birthday story in pictures.

Meet the birthday boy

In true D/H household tradition, the main living area of our home  was decorated with lots of Ballons the eve of M's birthday.  M arrived on the scene no later than 6:00am, in his Grammy Jammies to start the festivities.

We like balloons around these parts!

I had set out a puzzle for him to enjoy in hopes of tiding him over until present time, which in case your wondering comes right after dinner.

Apparently he did not wish to sit in his seat but opted for the table top.

The novelty of the puzzle soon wore off and he discovered all his other presents waiting to be torn into.  He grabbed one and brought it over to me, while I was on the phone and tore into it.  I didn't really make a concerted effort to stop him, after all it was his birthday.   

I was pretty pleased that he like this gift, so much that he played with it all day and didn't go near his other gifts again.

It poured rain for the better part of the morning, putting a damper in my plan to take him to the park.  We opted for a walk instead.

Every boy needs to play in puddles on his birthday don't you think?

We live close to a storm water reserve that we effectionately call the pond. 

We headed down there to feed the geese and search for other creatures.  We spotted a couple of frogs just chillin' out in the water.  One wasn't moving much so I snapped a picture.  When I got home and cropped the picture I discovered why the frog wasn't moving so much.....

M wanted to hang around some more so Grammy, Grandma and J wandered off on their own,

While M and I took a slow, lazy walk and picked flowers.

It started to get really warm out so off came the coats.

It was a big walk for M, but he loves to walk.  He eventually started to get tired so we made our way back home stopping for more pictures.

M didn't really want to nap, but I forced the issue since I knew it would be a late night for him.  Plus, I also had a cake to make.

M woke up still enchanted with the balloons.

After his nap I wanted to get some pictures with my boys

Impossible to get them both together.

The guests had arrived and the kids went to play outside.  M wasn't interested in dinner until it was suggested that they just eat outside.  He was in his glory with this idea.

I was sure he would pitch a fit when it was time to come inside but Sis grabbed a present and waved it outside and he came running like it was nobodies buisness.

He ripped through those presents faster than.....well faster than Christmas.

After presents the token family photo. 

Neither of the boys were interested as it was clearly time for cake.  Notice M looking at his stop sign...priceless.

Checking out the cake some more... are you impressed with my artistict abilities????

It was soon time for bath and bed, but not without a little more time outside watching Daddy spin the ball.

And just becasue it was his birthday, some more cake and some last minute playtime with a new toy.

And there you have it peeps, my photo documentary of M's third birthday.  I know he probably won't remember it but I really wanted it to be special.  I would say it made somewhat of an impression as he still thinks it is his birthday.  Although that may have something to do with the fact that there are still birthday decorations everywhere.  I will try to get them down quicker than the month it took last year.

Have a wonderful, wonderful weekend.

Project 12 April

The MIL visit has come and gone and we all had a wonderful visit.

It was sad to see her go, so heart warming  to see how much she loves my boys, and very heart breaking to see how much it hurts her not to live near them.

I hope when "I grow up" that my boys will be close to me and if I am blessed enough to have grand-babies that I will be able to see them often.

J was smitten with her, and M in his normal serious fashion needed time to warm up. 

Lots of pictures were taken, 298 to be exact.

More on that later, with a certain three year olds birthday recap.

I just wanted to post my Project 12 for April.

These 4 pictures were taken on Easter and the day after.

We really jammed so much into April that I felt myself going back through my pictures to jog my memory so I could complete my journalling.

With all the fun things we did, I have to say the most fun was always had when we stayed close to home, in the backyard and around the neighbourhood.

I would say I have a few good years left of those kinds of fun outings before the Turkey or the Monkey start making more exciting demands.

Alrighty then...

Aprils sketch:

I don't always do well with LO's that don't have the pictures all lined up but I gave it my best shot. 

And there you have it kind peeps.

Off to bathe the kiddos and then maybe some ice cream and a cheesy romance novel for Momma.....sounds devine.

Nighty Night.

 

On the eve of three.

Remember this?

It is happening again tomorrow.

I have so many thoughts running through my head right now, so many things that I want to remember that happened this year, but I feel like I am drawing a blank.

So for tonight I will have to suffice with telling you how much I love this kid.

He has my heart, he is my soul.

I would be lost in this crazy world if not for him.

He makes problems disappear.

He makes me smile when I don't feel like it.

He can push my buttons like no other.

He makes me feel like a super hero.

I would let him have my last bite of chocolate, my last spoon of ice cream, my last sip of pop.

I fill my tank with gas some days just to make him happy.

I could cuddle him in my arms all night if he would let me.

I am happy to drive around singing childrens songs with him.

I am happy to go looking for Mighty Machines and exclaim at their bigness.

I will answer the same questions over and over again.

I will give in to pickles, cheese strings and sandwich meat for breakfast.

I will always have a naptime treat in the palm of my hand.

I will always have a stash of ribbon, a jar of buttons or a secret toy waiting to cure the rainy day doldrums.

I will always worry about a split lip, gashed tongue or cut finger.

I will always relish the feeling of his little hand tucked into mine.

I will always replay the sound of him telling me he loves me in my head.

I will always be in awe of the love I feel for this child of mine.

It fills up my heart so much so days I'm sure I may explode.

He made me a mother, someone I love to be.

Happy Third Birthday Monkey.

Mommy loves you!